And Seven Years Later

I haven't posted in about seven years.  A lot has happened since then.  We've moved - built a new house (not an old one, obviously) and the girls are now officially in middle school.  Anjali is graduating from fifth grade next week.  Graduating. From. Fifth. Grade. And the school is serious that this occasion deserves attention.  I told her she didn't graduate from anything because fifth grade was not hard work.  Graduating from college is hard work - that deserves a party.

Anyway, Priya is now officially a seventh grader - I let her play hookie on the last day of sixth grade because they weren't doing anything anyway, so what was the point?  I also missed work due to a school picnic (the last one at the girls' elementary school) so Priya and I went shopping.  She enjoys spending my money.  We bought items for summer camp.  Both girls are going to their first sleep away camp this summer for one week (thank you Jesus).  I've asked them to consider a four week stay, but this is all they can handle.  Really?  You really want to stay home and sleep until 11:00 and then watch TV and eat cereal all day?

"Yes, Mom.  We do."

The rest of the summer is filled with multiple camps to keep them busy (which were difficult to find given that they are old enough to feel too old for camps but too young to do anything on their own).  It's not been easy but I think we have a good plan.  We have Archery Camp, Adventure Camp, Photography Camp, Space Camp, sleep away camp, and Aquarium Camp.  I'm several thousand dollars poorer, but they will be busy and engaged learning new things to keep their soft brains from rotting.

We are growing a garden in the lot we purchased next door.  It is a raised bed garden and we are trying to grow tomatoes (like everyone), zucchini squash, Japanese Eggplant, regular ole' eggplant, strawberries, peas, beans, cauliflower, broccoli, kale and various Indian vegetables that are a mystery to me.   We are making many mistakes but will not worry about our losses.  Consider this a learning season. I go out there every day and putter around placing poison on the plants getting eaten by the beetles and considering transplanting one of the 15 or so tomato plants we have.  They are too close together and will not produce much fruit that way.  Just my opinion.

And we have two guinea pigs.  Flo (for Florentina in case we want to call her Flo or Tina) and April.  They are just two overgrown rodents that require weekly cage cleanings and twice daily feedings.  They bite when you pick them up and poop everywhere.  So yes, we are stupid.

That's it for now.  I really don't think my little life is interesting, but I feel I've neglected this blog long enough.

Sam's New Love

So I bought reusuable grocery bags. They're wonderful in that they are sturdy and hold lots of groceries. Plus, they fold up into a little pouch that I can throw in my purse. My problem is that I never remember to throw them in my purse. I'm constantly standing in the check out line thinking "Darn! I forgot my bags!" I just don't think Al Gore would be proud of me right now.

I've also discovered silk nails. What a wonder. I've had acrylics in the past and hated how thick they were. I haven't had anything on my nails for close to four years but finally decided my own nails were never ever going to grow. So I went in to the Nail Salon and the lady recommended silks. They're thinner and look like my own nails. They're pretty strong too. Plus, they last longer. I win all around! Except for the clickity clack sound they make when I type. I hate it. We have electronic medical records at work so I'm typing all day and clacking along quite loudly. It always reminds me of those obnoxious ladies that check you bags at the airport. There they are with your life in their manicured hands staring at the screen and clickity clacking along for ten solid minutes. Then they turn to you and say, "Now what was your name again?"

Sometimes I'll be typing along and tell my patients to just hold on one minute while I Google their problem. Tee Hee. If they look uneasy I reassure them that I got my medical degree online so I know what I'm doing. . .

Sam came to town with a "friend" this past weekend. She is awesome! I really like her. She is a deaf graphics designer who is Asian! And she is very very nice. She lives in Atlanta, and since I visit there often I may ask her to give me a few lessons in ASL. Maybe then I could understand half the stuff Sam says to me. . .

Medical Humor

Here are some funny stories from the work place:

1. The other day a drug rep came in to give us some samples of a sleep aid. I told her the only complaint my patients had about the drug was that it had a horrible aftertaste. She said she had a great solution for that.

"Just take it with something acidic like orange juice. . . or coffee."

Hmmmmmm. I don't think I've ever thought of taking my sleeping pills with coffee.

2. Another time I had a patient whose wife was worried about getting a biopsy of a tumor that was found in her breast. She asked her husband if he was going to the hospital with her and he reached over and patted her shoulder lovingly and said,

"Don't worry, honey. I would never miss your autopsy. . . "

True story.

3. Our lab tech was delivering some lab results to me when she said she couldn't believe this lady had genital herpes. I explained that she got it from her husband.

"But she has been married to him for like 25 years! They didn't have herpes back then, did they?"

4. During my first visit with a patient I was going through her medical history and found out she had had a double mastectomy due to cancer. That small fact must have slipped my mind a few minutes later when I asked her when her last mammogram was. She quickly began patting her chest and said

"I can't get those anymore, can I?"

5. Another time I was doing a pap smear and could not locate a women's cervix.

"Have you ever had a hysterectomy, ma'am?" I asked her.

"No."

Hmm. So I tried to locate it again and again, to no avail.

"Do you still have your uterus?" I asked.

"Oh, yes!" She replied, quite cheerily.

Finally, I asked, "Did you get your womb taken out?"

"Yes, several years back." Good thing, because I certainly can't find your cervix!

Gee Your Car Smells Terrific

So the van stunk for three days after the Vomit Debacle. I took Anjali's carseat back out and washed the cover. Sumeet smelled everywhere and couldn't find anything. I deemed that a useless endeaver since he has a poor sense of smell anyway. We were going to dinner Friday night when I stopped Sumeet so I could empty the little car trashcan I have up front.

"You didn't empty that??!!"

"Oh!" I replied "I didn't! Do you think that's where the smell is coming from?"

Of course, HE was the one who cleaned the car. HE didn't empty it either.

Okay, Mike. I know you're loving that one. Stupid doctors and all that.

I talked to Mom today, Mike. I'm not sure if I was on your list of Horrible Children, but apparently I'm off now. I think it's because I give her drugs.

Elicia, if you're reading this, good luck on your move! I'm very excited for you and JC and Peyton. I want to send you a moving package, but I'm going to wait until I ge your new address. You're getting a real dishwasher!! Wow! And all new appliances! Yay!

How does your urine smell?

So yesterday I'm driving the girls to school and Anjali starts coughing. She tends to have a sensitive gag reflex and eventually throws up her oatmeal and milk I so painstakingly made for her. It's everywhere and smells wonderful. I'm halfway to school and have to quickly decide if I will lose more time going back home or if I should risk it and hope I have an extra set of clean clothes in her book bag.

I risk it.

When I get to the school I strip her down in the parking lot and put another outfit on. Yay for me! I didn't get any vomit on my clothes, either.

Then Priya decided to throw a royal tantrum. About nothing. It wouldn't have been a big deal except she refused to budge from the center of the parking lot, right in every car's path. When I finally managed to drag her into the preschool she bolted right back out and stood again in the center of the parking lot. Arms folded. Mad as Hell.

Meanwhile I had very nice parents and teachers offering to help me with Anjali while I chased Priya down. I forgot about the gross vomit soaked dress and ran back to get Priya. She was angry because I didn't let her walk in "by myself." Oh yes, that's an excellent reason to risk life and limb in such a manner. Good call.

After walking her back in and trying not to lose my cool in front of everyone, I found Anjali's teacher holding her vomitus dress with two fingers quite delicately. She calmly found a plastic bag for it and gave it back to me without a word.

I'm so lucky that Priya decided to throw her fit at her school. If I had been in an airport or the mall I would have been embarrassed. As it was, everyone there understood and was so nice about it.

A few days earlier I had taken Priya to my office for the afternoon after her doctor's appointment. She loves to hang out at the front with the receptionist and draw pictures. There she was drawing away when a patient came to the window and told her hello and commented on how well she was drawing. Priya said thank you and the patient turned to the receptionist and said "My urine smells like sh**."

Okay. Who does that? Did you not just talk to a four year old child sitting two feet from you? What is your problem?

Anyway, the receptionist was pretty disgusted and hurried to get the patient out of there before she could say something else.

Priya knew it was a bad word and put both her hands to her mouth in mock surprise. Now, how would she know that? I never say that! I say just about everything else in the book, but never that one.

Do I?

How to be a Good Parent

The girl's preschool is sooooo busy. They're teachers send home information each day in their book bags about what is going on and what I need to do for the next class. If I were a good parent I would empty their book bag the minute they came home and prepare appropriately. Instead, I open the bag ten minutes before we leave for school and then frantically run around getting whatever they need for class that day. They're in preschool, for goodness sake! Today they were having animals from the zoo visit so they needed fruit or a vegetable to feed the animals. Next week is Teacher Appreciation Week, so I needed to sign up to substitute teach one day, or bring food, or help prepare gift baskets, help prepare a luncheon, etc, etc. If I had been prepared I would have known that I needed to have some gifts ready TODAY to put in a box for the Teachers. Instead, I was running around looking for an extra scented candle or lotion to give. Thankfully, I don't use many of my candles, so I grabbed a few votives I've never used. I thought it would be tacky to grab a half used bottle of lotion, though. Thank the good Lord Above they are only in school two days a week for three very short hours each. . .

We had our Girl's Weekend in Gatlinburg and I think I won the award for spending the most money. 75% of it was for clothes for Sumeet. Poor thing, he only has 237 shirts and 55 pairs of pants. So I had to replenesh his closet at Banana Republic. You can't beat a good sale at BR. It helps that he wears a size small in shirts and 30/30 pants. I called him to ask him what he needed and he started barking orders: "Go to the clearance rack in the back. They're having button down shirts for $19.99 now. I need these colors: blah, blah, blah" I asked about a pair of pants and he says "Are they Martin fit? Do they have the blue stripe on the inside? How much? No, that's too much. Wait! Go ahead and get them. I guess I'll use them. They're LIGHT tan right?"

My goodness. It's just clothes!

You're just too qualified to make good money

So Kat had a good job interview yesterday. Everyone cross your fingers for her. I've never seen one person go on so many job interviews and come SO CLOSE to getting a job before in my life. She gives her resume to everyone and then sits back and waits. Usually they tell her she's overqualified, which just frustrates her. It' s amazing how different each job is, too. This one is for the managing editor of a magazine. No, she doesn't have a journalism degree, but there you go. They asked her how she came up with her writing style and she said it just pops out of her head. I believe it. You should hear what just pops out of her mouth.

I'm going to Gatlinburg for a girl's weekend with several friends (we're all Moms with kids in the same playgroup). We've been in a playgroup for several years now and gotten to know each other pretty well. We're going shopping, eating out at a nice restaurant and then staying in a cozy cabin in the mountains. I think we're going to listen to Barry Manilow and the Bee Gees while we dance around in our pajamas drinking wine. I'm super stoked!

Oh, and Sumeet is going to be on TV tomorrow. He'll be shooting a segment about colorectal screening or some such thing. He is not too excited about doing it. How can you sound cool when you're talking about a tube in someone's nether regions?

As for me, I have my mug plastered on a billboard in Soddy Daisy (yes, that's the name of a town north of here). We're trying to attract patients for our new nurse practitioner. We're all wearing bikinis. He, he, he. Obviously, that ploy won't work.

Oh, and I had the oddest dream last night. Figure this one out. I dreamt the whole family met at IHOP for open bar. But they weren't serving alcohol. They were serving pancakes (especially the Rutti Tutti Fresh and Fruity). I was miffed because Mom and Pam would eat their pancakes at the bar and then disappear, making me pay the tab. How rude.