Gymbaby

Today I took Toddler to gymnastics. Ooohh what fun we had. When she walked across a balance beam and then slid down a mat into the foam pit I almost wet myself with pride. I have visions of her competing at the elite level and working for the olympic trials in 12 short years. All because she can hang on a bar like a monkey.

I need a life.

I Don't Like Blogs

So Little Sis was sitting on my floor last night while I read our sister's blog. "Have you read E.McPan's blog lately?" I asked.

"I don't read her blog." she replied with a resolute look on her face.

"But it's so funny! She is a riot!"

"Don't you KNOW? I don't like blogs." she huffily replied. "They're just an excuse for people not to have conversations with each other and instead talk into a computer without forming relationships. . . blah blah blah"

I find this comment very interesting coming from a young woman who spends 86% of her time in her room grooming herself or reading a novel or something or other. When she does venture out it's to answer my questions with one word sentences or "I don't know." Sigh. Huff. Eye rolling. The relationships aren't forming too rapidly somedays. Maybe if I email her we'll get somewhere. . .

At least I know I can talk about her all I want on this very public forum. She'll never stoop so low as to read it.

Summer of Slovenly Appearance

Hello Internet World. I am alive and kicking. I've just been busy/lazy/distracted and haven't blogged in a while. Here's the scoop. My very little sister is visiting this summer and it has been a real eye opening experience. She is five feet tall and weighs somewhere between 97 and 99 pounds. The last time I weighed that was in fifth grade. True story.

Anyway, she is very fashion/makeup/beauty conscious and I am not. You would think I would have a thing or two to teach her since she is thirteen years younger than me. Not Happening.

I've discovered I should tweeze my eyebrows, get pedicures for my feet, wax my upper lip and hairy chin, and consider a tan. I cannot for the love of mankind wear horizontal stripes (or wide vertical ones) nor should I wear any heavy fabrics. I've learned to avoid busy material (especially if the background is dark or the print is large) because it just makes me look larger. I need to stop wearing clunky boring shoes and try for a little bit more heel and pointier toe (but not too pointy!). Pants must be low on the hip and dark. No stripes. Not high waisted.

While learning all of these things in the middle of a rather hectic shopping binge last week she finally turned to me and asked "Don't you ever groom yourself?"

I just grunted in my big hairy apelike way and went back to picking ticks out of my hair.

But I am getting better. The other day I picked out a shirt and asked her if it would be okay. "NO!" she shrieked with a big heavy sigh. I slowly went to put it back when she grabbed it and asked "And WHY isn't this one good for you?" in her best most patronizing tone.

"Because the neck line is too high? It's too busy? The grade of fabric is too heavy????" I answered quite desparately.

"Right" she said. Then she waltzed off to another rack of clothes. I was left there sweating. Which one was it? What's the answer? What do I do???


Med school was easier than this.

TiVolution

I frequently become upset with Husband because he watches so much TV. It has taken several months, but we have succeeded in keeping the TV off until the girls go to bed. So when he finally gets to watch, the pickins are somewhat slim. I therefore decided to buy him the TiVo system so his TV watching would be more efficient. I mean, come on, how many episodes of CSI and American Chopper can one man watch?

I put the entire system together yesterday and it only took eight hours. I now understand video/audio cables, IR cables, and cable boxes in general. After hooking everything up (no small feat with our entertainment system arranged the way it is) I dutifully answered every little question it asked about our cable program, zip code, area code, cable box, etc. I thought it might ask me my favorite color. I was ready. But it worked at the end of the day. Awesome. I rock.

Last night he set the programs he wanted to record in case he misses them. Guess what he put in?

CSI and American Chopper.

Lovely.

Potty Talk

Toddler is almost ready to potty train. As such, we have many discussions about poo poo and pee pee. Here are a few examples of these actual conversations.

"Mommy change diaper! Mommy change poo poo diaper!"

"Okay, come over here so I can change it and put a fresh one on. Oh my, this is a poo poo diaper!"

"I wanna see it! I wanna see it! I wanna see poo poo diaper!"

"Okay, I heard you. But be still so I can clean you up. There, now see it? It's a big poo poo."

"Yay poo poo diaper! I wanna flush it! I wanna flush it!"

"Okay, calm down. Let's go in the bathroom. There it goes, now you can flush it."

"Bye bye Peeya's poo poo! That was a BIG poo poo! Bye bye poo poo!"

This happens every single day. I must always show her what her body eliminated, rather it is urine or stool. She just wants to see (but then, don't we all take a little peek?). What gets bad is when she discusses my body habits in a public bathroom. We were in Target the other day when this very thing happenned.

"Mommy needs to go to the bathroom. Mommy's going POO POO!!!!"

"No, Priya, I'm not. Now please don't talk so loud. . . "

"OOOhhh, Mommie's going poo poo! Flush Mommie! Bye-bye Mommie's poo poo!!!"

I just cringe as we walk out.

When Little Bit gets a diaper change she has to see that too. And she likes to help clean her up. I don't think I'll let Little Bit know that little detail when they're older.

Toddler is also in a "everything must be clean" phase. If her bib gets dirty when she eats she insists I change it.

"BIIIIB! Mommy change Peeya's bib! It's durrrty! Hurry Mommy! Hurry!"

We may go through three bibs during one meal. She won't listen when I try to explain the purpose of the bib. It simply MUST be changed NOW.

It was a bit of a trying weekend. Her ears are both infected, again, and she was wheezing so bad we had to start steroids and breathing treatments. I'm really praying I don't get the "We need to think about tubes" talk from her pediatrician when we go in tomorrow. Ugghhh.

What I learned today

Today I learned how to fix my printer. All by myself.
I learned how to apply for a new medicare provider number, how to apply for malpractice insurance, how to hire a nurse, and how to arrange for a date with my husband. We're going to see Star Wars.

I still need to learn how to obtain private insurance credentials, how to work with electronic medical records, and how to get Little Bit to eat more solid food without throwing up all the time.

I've mastered how to choose the wrong paint for my wall (should have gone with eggshell finish), how to kill a plant, and how to nurture a sick Beta fish back to health. Okay, no nursing involved. I just fed it and it survived. But I did learn how to transfer it to another bowl without causing major stress to the poor thing.

I've learned how to hold an impromptu pool party involving three different pools and seven children without anyone drowning. Steep learning curve there.

I want to learn how to grow pretty fingernails and lose 15 pounds.

I'll soon learn what it's like to take Toddler to "Mommy and Me" gymnastics class. Wish me luck.

That's it. I start my new job on June 20th, officially. Private practice here I come!

Toddler in the garden. She loves her new garden gloves. Everything in pink. 

Little Bit really does smile. Just not for pictures. . . 

Toddler giving kisses. I don 

Toddler in her favorite chair.  

This is how Little Bit likes to eat. Hands waving in the air like mad. . .  

All is Not Lost. . .

Update. I may have found a new practice to join. I met a wonderful Nurse Practitioner today who owns her own practice and is looking to have a doc join on. She isn't asking me to buy in, just share overhead. I really like her because she strikes me as fair, honest and hardworking. She also isn't out to make a million dollars, but wants the business to work. My gut says this is a great opportunity and I wouldn't have to work for "Big Brother" anymore. I love the idea of having control. Less pay, certainly, but control. It's worth it.

Stay tuned.

The Terminator

So, as many of you in the family know, I was "terminated without cause" last week. It was all very sudden and a very hard pill to swallow. I have no idea why they decided to terminate my contract, but I guess this is what the corporate world is like. Mental note: doctors don't belong in the corporate world.
My patients are being told I have left the practice and will not be back. I feel like I've just abandoned them (which I have). I spent more than a year developing solid relationships with them and now it's over. No warning to either party. What they don't know is that this was not my choice. They probably think I was fired or just lost my mind and quit.
All of this leaves me with the question of what to do with my life now. Do I work? Do I stay home and be a full time Mom? Can I find a job which allows me to do both without losing my mind?

If anyone out there has the answer please let me know. I'll be here.

After a long weekend playing in the park and drinking warm formula (or cold beer), these guys are wiped out. You decide who had the formula. 

Happy Mother's Day!

You never realize how wonderful your mother is until you become a parent yourself. All those so called "grievences" you carried in your twenties disappear when you make your first seventeen mistakes raising your own daughter. You swear you're going to do "everything absolutely right" and have the happiest baby/toddler on the block. You buy age appropriate toys and make difficult decisions regarding solid food and potty training.

And then one Mother's Day you call your own mom and wish her a Happy Mother's Day and, although the conversation is a pleasant one, you realize she really doesn't have any idea how much she means to you. How do you put those feelings into words?

It finally hit me when I said to a friend the other day "I'm just like my Mom!"

Of course, I'm like her in tangible ways in that I have her smile and dark hair. I'm learning to sew (which she does quite well), would like to learn to quilt (another talent of hers), and wish my garden was half as pretty as hers. I drive a minivan (she spent years driving a real van), and I could spend an entire weekend reading a good novel. But when I made that statement I meant that I'm like her because I love my children more than anything in the world. Just as she loves hers.

I'm so blessed to have been raised by her. She was a thoughtful, kind, and imperfect Mom. I'm hoping I can do half as well raising my own children.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you more than you know.

Wild Kingdom

We had a great vacation. The weather was perfect, the rental house was wonderful and the girls really enjoyed themselves. We went to Sea World and Animal Kingdom. Husband's parents and brother came too and his mom cooked three meals for us. First, everyone gave her a hard time for bringing TONS of food along, but they sure shut up when they realized she had made yet another great meal. I wish I could cook like that.








Toddler loved swimming. That was the bomb in her mind. She doesn't understand that humans don't float. I will try to attach a picture if I get a chance. Little Bit relaxed in the baby floatie and took in some rays.





Later, Toddler made up a song about "Little Mommie." She sung this song to the tune of "Oh I Wish I was a Little Bar of Soap." It went something like this:

Oh Little Little Mommie!
Oh Little Little Mommie!
Oh Little Little Mommie!

over and over and over again. Clever, huh?

The only hard part of the trip occurred on the first day. I took the girls in for a quick well child visit to the pediatrician before we left and he announced that they both had ear infections. So before we got on the plane I doped them up with Motrin, Benadryl and an antiobiotic. Big mistake. Toddler almost crawled out of her skin she was so irritable. Benadryl does NOT work with her. And I should win some award for changing a dirty diaper in the airplane's lavoratory during turbulance. Man, I'm good. So there we were with fussy Toddler and sleeping Little Bit, a DVD player going and Teddy Grahams all over the floor on the airplane. Husband looked at me and said "We must be CRAZY!!!." At that point we didn't have much choice but to suck it up (seeing as how we were 30,000 feet up and hovering somewhere over southern Georgia). I could have used a one way bus ticket to Las Vegas at that point.

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Both girls are still having some fevers and a dry cough. Last night Little Bit threw up three times before going to bed. Thank you, child. I love the smell of vomit all over my shirt and your third pair of clean pajamas.

You Don't Own Me

Apparantly Big Brother thinks he owns me. He bought shares of my blog and has ordered me to post more often. So here it is on a Friday night and the girls are asleep and my hair is wet (first shower this week!) and I stink from my sunless tanner. But I have a beautiful bronze glow to hide my cellulite on my massive thighs. And with that lovely image. . .

Husband is asleep on the floor. He has been working his ass off all week and we were talking about the girls, work, etc, and he fell asleep. Poor thing. He just woke up and rolled over. He is in the fetal position. Somebody do something!

I've put both girls in the same room! Oh, what a big step! Last night was the first night and Toddler woke up Little Bit at 2:00 am. Tonight they both went to sleep at 9:08!!! Heaven!!! I really think they'll enjoy being in the same room. I know I enjoyed sharing a room with my lovely sisters for years on end. My younger sister is a saint. She had to put up with a lot of neurotic behavior on my part. And it only got worse as I hit junior high. Luckily, I got my own room by then. I plan on splitting Toddler and Little Bit up when they hit 12 or 13. Unless they just want to stay roomies. . .

Both girls are sick with colds. Lots of green crud bubbling out of their noses all week long. Husband has hardly been around to see it, but did manage to catch the cold two days ago.

Toddler learned how to blow bubbles in the bathtub tonight. And I don't mean from her bottom! She was pretty pleased with herself. I think I'll start teaching her to swim this summer.

And Little Bit learned to vomit behind my back. Two nights ago I spent an hour getting Toddler to sleep (ears infected AGAIN) and finally checked on Little Bit at around midnight. She was sound asleep and covered in vomit. Her hair was matted with it and the bed was soaked. Gross. So she had a bath at midnight. Didn't even cry. I love that kid!

We're going to Orlando to Sea World in three days. I've rented all the equipment and have the ticket confimation numbers set. I'm ready. This WILL be a seamless, fun, relaxing vacation. And if the girls are not enjoying themselves I will give them some sage advice handed down to me by my dear father. "Smile, damnit!"

Are you Drunk or What?

The other night I went to eat dinner with some friends. Now, they have two children about my girls' age and we picked Prom night when the kids were hungry and antsy. But that wasn't the problem. After waiting 20 minutes to get to a table I was told they didn't have enough high chairs. No problem, I'm flexible. So I put toddler in a booster chair. Meanwhile, Little Bit began crying and wouldn't stay in the stroller. I was trying to keep toddler occupied, keep Little Bit calm and pick out dinner for myself and Husband (who was at work). It didn't take but three minutes for Toddler to fall out of her chair and onto her face on the floor. She erupted into screams and sixteen pairs of eyes turned to stare. No problem, people stare all the time. But then this heavy set man came over and began yelling at my friend's husband. He told him to take his kids outside and don't come to the restaurant with his kids, etc, etc. My friend's husband (a Saint) told him we had just as much right to be there as anyone else. Then the man said "If you can't afford a babysitter, then don't come!" That was a stupid comment all on it's own since my friend's husband is an orthopedic surgeon and can certainly afford a babysitter. But he didn't get mad. He just looked at him and said "This conversation is over. Get out of my face."
I, of course, was furious. My hands were shaking I was so mad. So I put Toddler back in her seat and tried to calm my nerves while calming Little Bit. Meanwhile, Toddler fell AGAIN and hit the floor. I felt horrible. I finally took her outside to calm both of us down. I also waited until Mr. Butthead got up to leave and gave him a piece of my mind. A small piece, but a piece just the same.
"Are you drunk to be acting that way?" I asked. I then told him that I was this child's mother and he shouldn't have yelled at my friend's husband. He said "What kind of mother lets her child fall out of a chair TWICE??" A terrible one. A negligent one. A tired, confused and frustrated one.
But at least I'm not a butthead.
I wish I had quick and witty retort. But I didn't. I just sputtered and stalked off. Ugghhh.

And here is a sample of some great quotes I've heard this week.

"Jeffry Dalhmer grew up in a strict religious family, but he lost his religion during his killing spree." -From an A&E documentary

"That's so cute!" -Toddler's current response to any shirt you show her.

"Ted Bundy was a Republican." Of couse! - From an A&E documentary.

I Brake for Valium

So the other day I drove my new shiny minivan to work with the emergency brake on the entire way. That's roughly 20 minutes. I wondered why it didn't have much pick up and go. It took me all day to get the courage to tell Husband. He very carefully started breathing through his nose so as to not say something he would regret. Finally, he asked "Didn't you realize it was on?"

Hmmmm. Let's think about that. Should I say "Yes, dear. I was aware the whole time but thought I'd go ahead and keep it on in case a true emergency arose. I would be quite prepared with my emergency brake already applied." Or should I say "No, I had no idea it was on. Nobody told me. The car didn't bing or ding or make any noise to alert me. It's Toyota's fault."

But, instead, I just cut him a look that said "That is one of those questions you don't ask your wife if you want to live to see 40." He got the message.

And yesterday a patient fired me. He didn't say anything to me but his girlfriend called the office later and told the office manager I wouldn't refill his medications and laughed at him. Yes, that's me. I like to refuse much needed medical treatment and giggle at patients' suffering. It's just so darn funny!!!

Ends up he takes too much of a certain sedative and also drinks too much of a certain alcohol along with it. Silly me. I wouldn't let him have more sedatives. Of course, I also didn't give him any antibiotics for his viral sinus infection. Bad doctor! Bad doctor! He refuses to see me again, but would gladly accept another refill of his sedative while he looks for another physician.

I'm including a great picture of Little Bit. Her two eyeteeth have come in and her two bottom front teeth are in so she looks like she has little fangs. They're rather sharp, as those of us who have put our fingers in her mouth have discovered. Ask Husband. He yelps everytime he does it but keeps going back for more.

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Two-burty

And let the fun begin. . .

Today is Toddler's birthday. She is two. Fav Neighb gave me an article about two years olds and how this time should be called Two-burty since two year olds act like they're in puberty without the acne. So true.



I was so wrapped up in the party that I forgot to feed Little Bit. After six hours without food she began wailing. I'm terrible. Just awful. Somebody fire me.

But even if I'm a failure as a mother, I at least look like I know what I'm doing. When I'm driving, that is. We just got our new minivan. It is so nice and shiny!!! Hee hee hee. I played with all the bells and whistles for a while tonight. Husband said I better enjoy it since it's the only car I'm going to get for 15 years. Right. Then he cleaned out the SUV until it sparkled (since we traded in his car and he is going to drive the SUV now). He was disgusted with the things he found in there. "No food or drink in the new car!" he roared. OK, honey. You tell Toddler that when she is screaming for juice halfway between here and nowhere. I'd like to see how long that lasts.

He then went inside, got on the internet and looked at his Dream Cars. The latest is a Mercedes CLS500 or something like that. It costs about as much as a small house. He always talks big but never buys big. I told him to buy the Ford Festiva and get it over with. It gets good gas mileage and will get him from here to there. I think he said No to that one. I suggested it and left the room quickly.

I should quit blogging. I'm giving a talk to some women next week about hormone replacement therapy and I haven't even finished my slides. See, I'm a failure as a mother and as a doctor.

But my minivan sure is shiny!