But I did sleep at the Holiday Inn Express. . .

You know your doctor's an Idiot when:

You tell her you had a double mastectomy twenty years ago and she asks you when your last mammogram was.

You tell her you're having chest pain and she asks "So where is the pain, exactly?"

She stops you in the middle of a sentance and says "Wait, go back. I didn't hear anything you just said." Yet she was looking right at you the whole time.

She walks into the room and introduces herself and asks "Have I seen you before?" This would be fine if it wasn't the third time you had seen her in the last two months.

You tell her you had a hysterectomy ten years ago and she asks "So when was your last menstrual cycle?"

And on the flip side: You know your patient is not quite with it when:

You ask them when they had their appendix removed and they say "Right after I had my knee replaced." Oh, okay. I was sitting right there, and I remember that day fondly. . .

You ask them to describe their pain and even give examples such as "crampy, dull, sharp, etc" and all they can say is "It just hurts." Okay. Where does it hurt? "Everywhere." Okay, how long has it been hurting? "A while" Hmmm, how long, exactly , is a while? "Well, it started after I had my appendix taken out." And when was that? "Right after I had my knee replaced. . . "

You ask them if they're allergic to any medications and they say "Oh yes. Benadryl." Oh. How is one allergic to allergy medicine?