So I'm on call tonight. A call comes in from a woman who says she is having an anxiety attack. Luckily, we have electronic medical records and I can access all of it from my home computer. So while we were talking I tried to find her in our system.
"What did you say your last name was?"
"Oh, it's Smith. But my maiden name is Jones. I just got married."
"Well, I can't find you in our system. . . "
"My appointment is soon. They told me I couldn't get in for three weeks. So, I'm having this anxiety attack, and. . . "
"I'm sorry, but we can't treat someone we've never seen before (plus we don't give narcotics or anxiolytics during call hours). I also find it hard to believe you couldn't get an appointment for three weeks."
"That's because I'm a new patent. That's what they told me."
"I'm surprised by that. I had two new patient openings today. I could have seen you."
"Believe me, I would have come in. Now about that anxiety. . . "
"I cannot give you anything. I'm sorry."
"Ohhhhh noooooo! What am I going to do? Oh noooooo. Now what????" Despair dripping from her voice in thick dramatic drops.
"Well, you can go to an acute care facility like Physician's Care."
"Are they open 24 hours? Ohhhh, what will I do?"
"They are not open 24 hours, but they are open now. It's 8 pm."
"Well," she said rather huffily, "Just cancel my appointment then!"
She didn't have an appointment.
This type of thing has happened to me before. A young lady convinced me she was my partner's patient and I called in a narcotic. Stupid! Stupid! She wasn't our patient at all. But now they can't fool me. I just love this system! It's really great, though, because I can access a patient's medical record while on call. No question about what mdication they're on or what their last labs were. It's wonderful.
And in other news, Priya is using the potty! She has a magic "Royal Potty" which plays a short fanfare when she sits down and a very dramatic one when she does the deed. It's real handy except when Anjali is crawling over and putting her hand in the bowl. . . Yuck.
But I have decided some people I know need a "Royal Potty" in their own homes. They're so proud of their deed that they sit there for about 2 hours savoring the moment. Then they talk about it and actually have a debate about when one should move one's bowels. Who cares, I ask. I certainly don't. But some people feel very stongly that these things should happen at the same time every single day. Usually right after breakfast. They also claim you can "train" your body to do this on schedule. Ok, how? How do I will my bowels to move?
I guess if I can't will mine to move I can will my daughter's to move in a potty rather in her "big girl underwear."
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
"I Don't Like this Place"
Happy Anniversary to us. Six lovely years husband and I have been married. We're not even having that six/seven year itch. I think that's because we're too busy. . .
To celebrate this monumental occasion we decided to venture out to the mountains of North Georgia and rent a cabin for the weekend.
Remote location? Yes. It was near Ellijay which is a tiny town known best for its apples.
Rustic, yet comfortable? Definately, there wasn't a DVD player and the fireplace was not gas.
Romantic? Hardly. At least not with two toddlers in tow.
We couldn't leave until husband got home from work and it is about a two hour drive. The directions were rather confusing. I got three different sets: from Google, Mapquest, and Yahoo. E McPan would have been proud. We finally decided to go with the directions Joy, the lady from the cabin rentals, gave us. We had to "stay on Walnut through Chattsworth until it dead ends. Turn right. (At a dead end?). Go left on 762 and then right. (When?). Go over the bridge and turn left right before the Hardees. (Hmmmmm). But we made it all the way to Ellijay and then turned onto Vanilla Lane (our cabin was on this street). But when they named it "Lane" they meant "dirt road barely wide enough for your car in the middle of nowhere" Lane.
No problem. We can do this. Joy's directions said to take the lane "to the end" and then take the "right turn off down the hill. Your cabin is the one in the middle." Hmmmm. After turning off twice to the right and not finding a cabin we finally got to what we thought may be the "end." To our right was a road that plummeted into the darkness at an alarmingly steep grade. No way. Surely she didn't mean THAT road. I got out of the car and tried to peer into the darkness to asertain if a cabin was down there. Husband asked me what I saw.
"Nothing. It's dark. I really think this is the way though."
He, I have discovered, is no Boy Scout. No roughin' it in the woods of Georgia for this guy. He did not want to take the chance going down that hill. I was getting so frustrated that I wanted to just drive the minivan myself. But I kept my cool and called Joy.
"Umm, Joy? We're lost. I've followed your directions and we're just not sure if this is the right path. "
She proceeded to repeat to me the exact same directions she had written down. I think she was reading them off her paper.
"But, Joy? Is the driveway to the cabin down a steep hill?"
"Well, it's not THAT steep. . . " Hmmmm. No help there, Joy.
Finally,I convince husband to go for it and we creep down the steep hill at a snail's pace. Ah ha! The cabin! It was down there!
The next morning we finally get going at around 11:00am to go to an apple orchard. I loaded up the girls and we drive off. Half way up the hill we get stuck. It's so steep I really think we're going to topple backwards. Our front wheel minivan is no match for this. Of course, it doesn't help that husband is barely moving the car. He tried two more times and then I tried (after we got the girl's out, of course), but no go. I called Joy again.
"Umm, Joy? We're stuck. We didn't know we needed to have a four wheel drive to get up this hill."
"Oh, you can do it! Just get some weight in the back of your van and creep on up. We do it all the time." (What weight did she want me to put back there? I don't generally keep extra weights in my car. Just on my butt and thighs.)
"We've tried for an hour, Joy, and it just won't work."
"Well, there is a way to do it. Now, it might sound crazy, but. . . " I interrupted her at this point and told her I wasn't going to do anything crazy with my minivan or my family. Husband excitedly told me to tell her we were just going to go home and wanted a refund for the second night's stay. Bingo! He found a way out! So I told Joy all of this and asked her to call a Tow Truck to help us out. I also asked if this happened before.
"Oh, no. Never."
"So where do I tell the tow truck company to come?"
"Just tell him you're next to Steve Smith's place."
Hmmm. How would a tow truck company know where Steve's house was in the middle of the woods unless he had been asked to go there 45 times before????
Anyway, a man and woman from the third cabin walked up and I told them our tale of woe. He smiled a very toothy grin and assurred me we could get up the mountain and wouldn't need a tow truck.
"Just take it on up and go on the outside of that last turn. You can do it!" Big toothy grin. Luckily, he offered to do it for me but let me ride along. We sped so fast up that hill I almost peed on myself. What a rush. Once were were at the top he just put it in park and said "Nice van you got here." I was too busy catching my breath to thank him for not killing me.
So we went on to the orchard (a total bust - completely campy. They didn't even have caramel apples!) and then went back to the cabin. I was determined to stick it out. This time we didn't take the van down the hill but left it at the top and walked our stuff down. I'm sure our friendly neighbor enjoyed a good laugh from that one. But husband was happy. He got to watch football and I got to play with the fire. The girls got to skip their naps and pick up sticks in the woods. At least it was a beautiful setting right next to a stream. Needless to say, as we were leaving Priya said, "I don't like this place."
So does this mean we won't be camping anytime soon?
To celebrate this monumental occasion we decided to venture out to the mountains of North Georgia and rent a cabin for the weekend.
Remote location? Yes. It was near Ellijay which is a tiny town known best for its apples.
Rustic, yet comfortable? Definately, there wasn't a DVD player and the fireplace was not gas.
Romantic? Hardly. At least not with two toddlers in tow.
We couldn't leave until husband got home from work and it is about a two hour drive. The directions were rather confusing. I got three different sets: from Google, Mapquest, and Yahoo. E McPan would have been proud. We finally decided to go with the directions Joy, the lady from the cabin rentals, gave us. We had to "stay on Walnut through Chattsworth until it dead ends. Turn right. (At a dead end?). Go left on 762 and then right. (When?). Go over the bridge and turn left right before the Hardees. (Hmmmmm). But we made it all the way to Ellijay and then turned onto Vanilla Lane (our cabin was on this street). But when they named it "Lane" they meant "dirt road barely wide enough for your car in the middle of nowhere" Lane.
No problem. We can do this. Joy's directions said to take the lane "to the end" and then take the "right turn off down the hill. Your cabin is the one in the middle." Hmmmm. After turning off twice to the right and not finding a cabin we finally got to what we thought may be the "end." To our right was a road that plummeted into the darkness at an alarmingly steep grade. No way. Surely she didn't mean THAT road. I got out of the car and tried to peer into the darkness to asertain if a cabin was down there. Husband asked me what I saw.
"Nothing. It's dark. I really think this is the way though."
He, I have discovered, is no Boy Scout. No roughin' it in the woods of Georgia for this guy. He did not want to take the chance going down that hill. I was getting so frustrated that I wanted to just drive the minivan myself. But I kept my cool and called Joy.
"Umm, Joy? We're lost. I've followed your directions and we're just not sure if this is the right path. "
She proceeded to repeat to me the exact same directions she had written down. I think she was reading them off her paper.
"But, Joy? Is the driveway to the cabin down a steep hill?"
"Well, it's not THAT steep. . . " Hmmmm. No help there, Joy.
Finally,I convince husband to go for it and we creep down the steep hill at a snail's pace. Ah ha! The cabin! It was down there!
The next morning we finally get going at around 11:00am to go to an apple orchard. I loaded up the girls and we drive off. Half way up the hill we get stuck. It's so steep I really think we're going to topple backwards. Our front wheel minivan is no match for this. Of course, it doesn't help that husband is barely moving the car. He tried two more times and then I tried (after we got the girl's out, of course), but no go. I called Joy again.
"Umm, Joy? We're stuck. We didn't know we needed to have a four wheel drive to get up this hill."
"Oh, you can do it! Just get some weight in the back of your van and creep on up. We do it all the time." (What weight did she want me to put back there? I don't generally keep extra weights in my car. Just on my butt and thighs.)
"We've tried for an hour, Joy, and it just won't work."
"Well, there is a way to do it. Now, it might sound crazy, but. . . " I interrupted her at this point and told her I wasn't going to do anything crazy with my minivan or my family. Husband excitedly told me to tell her we were just going to go home and wanted a refund for the second night's stay. Bingo! He found a way out! So I told Joy all of this and asked her to call a Tow Truck to help us out. I also asked if this happened before.
"Oh, no. Never."
"So where do I tell the tow truck company to come?"
"Just tell him you're next to Steve Smith's place."
Hmmm. How would a tow truck company know where Steve's house was in the middle of the woods unless he had been asked to go there 45 times before????
Anyway, a man and woman from the third cabin walked up and I told them our tale of woe. He smiled a very toothy grin and assurred me we could get up the mountain and wouldn't need a tow truck.
"Just take it on up and go on the outside of that last turn. You can do it!" Big toothy grin. Luckily, he offered to do it for me but let me ride along. We sped so fast up that hill I almost peed on myself. What a rush. Once were were at the top he just put it in park and said "Nice van you got here." I was too busy catching my breath to thank him for not killing me.
So we went on to the orchard (a total bust - completely campy. They didn't even have caramel apples!) and then went back to the cabin. I was determined to stick it out. This time we didn't take the van down the hill but left it at the top and walked our stuff down. I'm sure our friendly neighbor enjoyed a good laugh from that one. But husband was happy. He got to watch football and I got to play with the fire. The girls got to skip their naps and pick up sticks in the woods. At least it was a beautiful setting right next to a stream. Needless to say, as we were leaving Priya said, "I don't like this place."
So does this mean we won't be camping anytime soon?
Monday, October 17, 2005
Army of One
Yesterday I did more before 9:00am than most people do before 9:30.
I stained my deck (which was fun because nobody bothered me and I listened to great music). Okay, so I didn't stain the entire deck by 9:30, but I got started around 8:30. That's something.
Then, if that wasn't enough, I got a wireless network adapter for my Tivo, so I can publish pictures on our TV. It only took me 2 weeks and 1/2 tank of gas to figure out which adalpter was compatible with Tivo. The guys at Office Depot didn't have any idea what to tell me, and when we looked it up on the internet we didn't realize we had the wrong one (twice!). Husband was convinced it wouldn't work, but I perservered. I even submitted my rebate online! Welcome to the 21st century!
Not only that, but I also took a cooking class called "Fall into Flavor." It was a demonstration class in which this great chef cooked some Pumpkin/Apple soup, pork tenderloin with dried fruit and a great glaze, and Acorn Squash with some sort of wonderful Licquor melted in the butter. All of this was topped off with a wonderful Apple Blueberry Dessert thing. He used some type of pasty paper that was impossible to work with. I walked away thinking, "Gee, that was neat, but I won't make any of it. Husband hates bland food (soup was very bland), Husband hates pork, and I simply can't mess with phyllo pastry. Maybe I'll make the Acorn Squash dish for Thanksgiving. MMmmmmm. Who wants to come to MY house?
I stained my deck (which was fun because nobody bothered me and I listened to great music). Okay, so I didn't stain the entire deck by 9:30, but I got started around 8:30. That's something.
Then, if that wasn't enough, I got a wireless network adapter for my Tivo, so I can publish pictures on our TV. It only took me 2 weeks and 1/2 tank of gas to figure out which adalpter was compatible with Tivo. The guys at Office Depot didn't have any idea what to tell me, and when we looked it up on the internet we didn't realize we had the wrong one (twice!). Husband was convinced it wouldn't work, but I perservered. I even submitted my rebate online! Welcome to the 21st century!
Not only that, but I also took a cooking class called "Fall into Flavor." It was a demonstration class in which this great chef cooked some Pumpkin/Apple soup, pork tenderloin with dried fruit and a great glaze, and Acorn Squash with some sort of wonderful Licquor melted in the butter. All of this was topped off with a wonderful Apple Blueberry Dessert thing. He used some type of pasty paper that was impossible to work with. I walked away thinking, "Gee, that was neat, but I won't make any of it. Husband hates bland food (soup was very bland), Husband hates pork, and I simply can't mess with phyllo pastry. Maybe I'll make the Acorn Squash dish for Thanksgiving. MMmmmmm. Who wants to come to MY house?
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
90 days
Today I saw a very interesting patient.
"You won't believe what all has happened to me in the last 90 days. In July, my wife committed suicide. I was in Arizona at the time and she was in Texas. So I moved out of our house in Texas and put my things in my folk's house in Biloxi. You can guess what happened then. I lost about 60% of it all in the hurricane. Then I found out I have renal failure and need a translplant. I'm here for a referral to a nephrologist."
Now THAT'S a bad summer.
I've learned to ask patients a lot of questions about their family, homelife, and career. It really gives me an idea about who they are and what they have to deal with.
Today a lady told me she has three children.
"Well, one is deceased." she added.
"What happened?"
"She was murdered. By her broher-in-law when she was 30. She had three kids and was trying to leave her husband. His entire family is very tight in the town she was living in, like the Little Mafia. Her brother-in-law told her she absolutely would not leave and he shot her. And to my dying day I think her husband was involved."
"Why?"
"Because he took an overdose of just the right amount of sleeping pills to put him in the hospital the day before her murder."
"Where are the children now?"
"They're with their father. He remarried and is very happy, apparently."
But the story that stays on my mind is the one a lady in her early 60s told me a few weeks back. All I asked was how many children she had.
"Three."
Pause.
"But actually one died."
"Oh, how awful."
"She was two years old. I went to take a shower while she was napping and she climbed onto the stove and turned it on. She had never ever done that and I don't know why she did it then."
This was a very soft spoken woman who worked at the local fabric store. I actually met her there and have seen her there often since she came into the office.
"Her little dress caught fire and she died in the hospital four days later."
She was crying at this point, but didn't say anything further about it.
It's a story I will never forget.
"You won't believe what all has happened to me in the last 90 days. In July, my wife committed suicide. I was in Arizona at the time and she was in Texas. So I moved out of our house in Texas and put my things in my folk's house in Biloxi. You can guess what happened then. I lost about 60% of it all in the hurricane. Then I found out I have renal failure and need a translplant. I'm here for a referral to a nephrologist."
Now THAT'S a bad summer.
I've learned to ask patients a lot of questions about their family, homelife, and career. It really gives me an idea about who they are and what they have to deal with.
Today a lady told me she has three children.
"Well, one is deceased." she added.
"What happened?"
"She was murdered. By her broher-in-law when she was 30. She had three kids and was trying to leave her husband. His entire family is very tight in the town she was living in, like the Little Mafia. Her brother-in-law told her she absolutely would not leave and he shot her. And to my dying day I think her husband was involved."
"Why?"
"Because he took an overdose of just the right amount of sleeping pills to put him in the hospital the day before her murder."
"Where are the children now?"
"They're with their father. He remarried and is very happy, apparently."
But the story that stays on my mind is the one a lady in her early 60s told me a few weeks back. All I asked was how many children she had.
"Three."
Pause.
"But actually one died."
"Oh, how awful."
"She was two years old. I went to take a shower while she was napping and she climbed onto the stove and turned it on. She had never ever done that and I don't know why she did it then."
This was a very soft spoken woman who worked at the local fabric store. I actually met her there and have seen her there often since she came into the office.
"Her little dress caught fire and she died in the hospital four days later."
She was crying at this point, but didn't say anything further about it.
It's a story I will never forget.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Stripes
A few weeks ago I spent all kinds of money on a new hairdo with highlights. This morning I asked Toddler what color hair I had and she replied "Mommy has Stripes!" Nice.
Toddler also has learned that treasures exist in her nose. She'll pull out one such slimy treasure and say "What's this?"
"It's a booger. Gross. Don't put your finger in your nose. That's yucky." A comment that means nothing to her because she promptly sticks her finger right back up in there and asks yet again "What's this?"
What is it about Toddlers and repeating the same question 46 times in one hour?
Toddler also has learned that treasures exist in her nose. She'll pull out one such slimy treasure and say "What's this?"
"It's a booger. Gross. Don't put your finger in your nose. That's yucky." A comment that means nothing to her because she promptly sticks her finger right back up in there and asks yet again "What's this?"
What is it about Toddlers and repeating the same question 46 times in one hour?
Monday, October 03, 2005
Double Stroller
I went to Texas with the girls and while I was gone my nurse quit. So I had to learn how the urinalysis machine works this morning. That was fun.
I learned a lot on my trip. Everyone in the airports were so friendly when they saw me trudging along dragging two toddlers in their car seats on wheeled luggage carts. Then, when I turned too sharply and toppled one child over or tried to squeeze them into a small elevator the helpful people would say something brilliant like, "You know, I have two children (a friend with twins, two grandchildren, etc) and I use a DOUBLE STROLLER." They would say DOUBLE SROLLER loud and slow to make sure I understood.
"You don't say? Wow. . . "
I especially liked people's helpful advice when they told me why Little Bit was screeching. Not crying and not screaming. Just screeching. "She's teething (ears are popping, hungry, tired, etc)." Again, I would just nod dumbly and say "Yeah, poor thing. . . " when I knew she was none of those things. She was perfectly happy. She screeches like that all the time and I can't get her to stop. All it does is bother her big sister, who covers her ears and starts to cry herself, saying things like "Stop Screaming! My ears hurt! I'm not listening! I'm having a HARD TIME!!!"
Aren't we all?
We went to the State Fair of Texas and I had wonderful fair food. Corn dog, Tornado Fries, Caramel Apple with nuts, Nutty Bar, Pralines and hot dogs. I can't remember what I fed the girls, but I at least I ate well.
I think I'm going to suggest we make this a yearly tradition (the State Fair, that is).
I also enjoyed our visit to my brother's house. If I knew how to link I would link to his blog. Anyway, he went to the Burning Man week and wanted to tell us all his stories, but we were in mixed company. He's like a man reborn. Maybe I'll go that sometime. First, I must lose about 30 pounds and get a tan. Because people don't wear clothes there.
I learned a lot on my trip. Everyone in the airports were so friendly when they saw me trudging along dragging two toddlers in their car seats on wheeled luggage carts. Then, when I turned too sharply and toppled one child over or tried to squeeze them into a small elevator the helpful people would say something brilliant like, "You know, I have two children (a friend with twins, two grandchildren, etc) and I use a DOUBLE STROLLER." They would say DOUBLE SROLLER loud and slow to make sure I understood.
"You don't say? Wow. . . "
I especially liked people's helpful advice when they told me why Little Bit was screeching. Not crying and not screaming. Just screeching. "She's teething (ears are popping, hungry, tired, etc)." Again, I would just nod dumbly and say "Yeah, poor thing. . . " when I knew she was none of those things. She was perfectly happy. She screeches like that all the time and I can't get her to stop. All it does is bother her big sister, who covers her ears and starts to cry herself, saying things like "Stop Screaming! My ears hurt! I'm not listening! I'm having a HARD TIME!!!"
Aren't we all?
We went to the State Fair of Texas and I had wonderful fair food. Corn dog, Tornado Fries, Caramel Apple with nuts, Nutty Bar, Pralines and hot dogs. I can't remember what I fed the girls, but I at least I ate well.
I think I'm going to suggest we make this a yearly tradition (the State Fair, that is).
I also enjoyed our visit to my brother's house. If I knew how to link I would link to his blog. Anyway, he went to the Burning Man week and wanted to tell us all his stories, but we were in mixed company. He's like a man reborn. Maybe I'll go that sometime. First, I must lose about 30 pounds and get a tan. Because people don't wear clothes there.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Cool Dat Dude
I found out today that Special K reads my blog. "You can stop talking about me now," she tells me. How does she read my blog without a computer?
She is still a small person with big debt. She claims her sister is a smaller person with bigger debt. What do you say E McPan?
We treated some evacuees in our clinic today. One man was initially in the Astrodome and decided to come to Chattanooga. I asked him how he decided on that and he said they had representatives from different cities offering transportation to their towns. He had never been here, but liked what the representative said about the place. So here he is. Wow. Most of the evacuees I've talked with do not want to go back.
I have found the Red Cross efforts extremely unorganized. The left hand does NOT know what the right is doing. . . Can anyone say FEMA?
This weekend I'm going to a girl's weekend away to Atlanta. The "girls" consist of all the moms from our playgroup. Twenty four whole hours of shopping, dining, and sleeping. Heaven. Lucky for me it will be on my birthday, so I can really have fun. Maybe I'll drink an entire Margarita, or sleep in until 8:00. I might take a 15 minute shower!
Special K and I went to Wal Mart today. She has decided the Wal Mart near my house is the best in town. I ROCK! Cool dat dude! That's the Bomb! Too bad I can't talk about her anymore. She's much more interesting than me.
She is still a small person with big debt. She claims her sister is a smaller person with bigger debt. What do you say E McPan?
We treated some evacuees in our clinic today. One man was initially in the Astrodome and decided to come to Chattanooga. I asked him how he decided on that and he said they had representatives from different cities offering transportation to their towns. He had never been here, but liked what the representative said about the place. So here he is. Wow. Most of the evacuees I've talked with do not want to go back.
I have found the Red Cross efforts extremely unorganized. The left hand does NOT know what the right is doing. . . Can anyone say FEMA?
This weekend I'm going to a girl's weekend away to Atlanta. The "girls" consist of all the moms from our playgroup. Twenty four whole hours of shopping, dining, and sleeping. Heaven. Lucky for me it will be on my birthday, so I can really have fun. Maybe I'll drink an entire Margarita, or sleep in until 8:00. I might take a 15 minute shower!
Special K and I went to Wal Mart today. She has decided the Wal Mart near my house is the best in town. I ROCK! Cool dat dude! That's the Bomb! Too bad I can't talk about her anymore. She's much more interesting than me.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Gee your skin is pretty
We have a lot of evacuees in our city. So I went to Red Cross to volunteer and had to go to a short class about "How to be a Volunteer." During the class the frazzled Volunteer Coordinator told us no less than three times that "These are not REFUGEES, these are EVACUEES!! They're one of us! The word refugee means someone from another country. These are AMERICANS!!!" Several people in the class started nodding and saying "Amen!" under their breath. Was anyone arguing with her? Did we walk in the class loudly discussing the "state of the refugees. . . "?? Anyway, small point, but it had to be made.
We have two shelters right now with about 150 people between them and loads and loads of people scattered in homes/hotels throughout the city. I really like my new office because the people in it are WONDERFUL. The owner is a Nurse Practitioner and she came up with the idea to have evacuees come to our office for medical care. She even worked out transportation with buses from her son's school. Needless to say, the Red Cross is thrilled. They're thinking about 300 more evacuees will be flown in soon, but it's just a rumor.
And on to other news. . .
Special K has left the building. She moved out two days ago and is in her new apartment with her new roommate, bed, couch and an assortment of other furnishings. Here is a list of things I discovered about her during her stay.
1. If she could choose any food to sustain her for the rest of her life it would consist of cereal, bananas, powdered donuts, honey buns, and tea.
2. She is the world's biggest slob (but swears she will keep the shared space in her apartment neat).
3. She is addicted to the internet (and doesn't own a computer).
4. She know her GAP.
5. She often talks like an '80's Valley Girl who just took a hit of amphetimines (i.e. I can't understand her and when I do I don't know what some words mean).
6. She is a very little person with very big debt.
The End.
Now she is living across town and will come visit periodically, I guess. Toddler asked about her today, so I think we'll have to visit her soon. Her roommate is African American, and when Toddler met him she walked up to him and said "Ohhhh! Your skin is so PRETTY!!" He smiled benignly and said "Thanks. Your eyes are so blue!" She looked at him knowingly and said "I know. . . " Oh, what to do?
We have two shelters right now with about 150 people between them and loads and loads of people scattered in homes/hotels throughout the city. I really like my new office because the people in it are WONDERFUL. The owner is a Nurse Practitioner and she came up with the idea to have evacuees come to our office for medical care. She even worked out transportation with buses from her son's school. Needless to say, the Red Cross is thrilled. They're thinking about 300 more evacuees will be flown in soon, but it's just a rumor.
And on to other news. . .
Special K has left the building. She moved out two days ago and is in her new apartment with her new roommate, bed, couch and an assortment of other furnishings. Here is a list of things I discovered about her during her stay.
1. If she could choose any food to sustain her for the rest of her life it would consist of cereal, bananas, powdered donuts, honey buns, and tea.
2. She is the world's biggest slob (but swears she will keep the shared space in her apartment neat).
3. She is addicted to the internet (and doesn't own a computer).
4. She know her GAP.
5. She often talks like an '80's Valley Girl who just took a hit of amphetimines (i.e. I can't understand her and when I do I don't know what some words mean).
6. She is a very little person with very big debt.
The End.
Now she is living across town and will come visit periodically, I guess. Toddler asked about her today, so I think we'll have to visit her soon. Her roommate is African American, and when Toddler met him she walked up to him and said "Ohhhh! Your skin is so PRETTY!!" He smiled benignly and said "Thanks. Your eyes are so blue!" She looked at him knowingly and said "I know. . . " Oh, what to do?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Insufficient Funds
Yesterday I tried to withdrawal funds from my checking account to pay the nanny. I was told I had insufficient funds. WHAT??? I don't have any money? That's right, the ATM replied. You're flat broke and no money in this machine has your name on it. Don't ask again.
So I walked back to Special K's car (since mine is getting the dent knocked out and repainted) and called to see how many checks had bounced. Four, the man told me. Hmmmm. What's the damage? $224, he replied. Okay. I'll go right home and tell Husband. He'll be SOOOOO excited to hear the news.
Special K is a pro at bouncing checks and told me all about when I should deposit a check to cover my @#* for the next few days. I don't think I've bounced a check for over 15 years. Maybe I've never done it. Luckily the Pro was with me.
Meanwhile, the Scary Storm came last night and dropped a bit of rain and a few gusts of wind on us. In West Texas winds of 50 mph were common. Here a wind gust like that causes absolute panic. But that's because it knocks down every tree within three feet of a power line. So I've had sporadic power at the house today. Where is FEMA when you need them? Do I qualify for disaster relief? I need to pay a few bills and have INSUFFICIENT FUNDS. . .
So I walked back to Special K's car (since mine is getting the dent knocked out and repainted) and called to see how many checks had bounced. Four, the man told me. Hmmmm. What's the damage? $224, he replied. Okay. I'll go right home and tell Husband. He'll be SOOOOO excited to hear the news.
Special K is a pro at bouncing checks and told me all about when I should deposit a check to cover my @#* for the next few days. I don't think I've bounced a check for over 15 years. Maybe I've never done it. Luckily the Pro was with me.
Meanwhile, the Scary Storm came last night and dropped a bit of rain and a few gusts of wind on us. In West Texas winds of 50 mph were common. Here a wind gust like that causes absolute panic. But that's because it knocks down every tree within three feet of a power line. So I've had sporadic power at the house today. Where is FEMA when you need them? Do I qualify for disaster relief? I need to pay a few bills and have INSUFFICIENT FUNDS. . .
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Gee Your Hair Looks Terrific
I have a great haircut. I think.
Yesterday I went to a new person for my haircut since mine wasn't working. This was stressful since it is really hard for me to find a hairstylist willing to work with my mop. Most stylists tentatively approach my head with a look of trepidation mixed with genuine fear while they reach out to touch the wiry stuff with words like "Gee, your hair sure is thick/coarse/grey/wiry/unruly, isn't it?" Hmmmm, you don't say? I've never noticed. . .
Anyway, Special K and I drove thirty minutes to go to a stylist a patient of mine highly recommended. It took forever to color and cut and I was running so late I had to ask my nanny to let my fav neighb watch the girls for thirty minutes since she needed to leave. And of course on the way out of the parking lot I hit another car. Yes, I have already put two obvious dents in my brand new minivan.
Husband was incredibly nice about it. He has learned that getting mad at me does NOT help. I feel bad enough about it without his comments. So he quietly inspected the damage and suggested I just get it fixed. Easy. I sure like him. . .
He never did comment on my hair.
Yesterday I went to a new person for my haircut since mine wasn't working. This was stressful since it is really hard for me to find a hairstylist willing to work with my mop. Most stylists tentatively approach my head with a look of trepidation mixed with genuine fear while they reach out to touch the wiry stuff with words like "Gee, your hair sure is thick/coarse/grey/wiry/unruly, isn't it?" Hmmmm, you don't say? I've never noticed. . .
Anyway, Special K and I drove thirty minutes to go to a stylist a patient of mine highly recommended. It took forever to color and cut and I was running so late I had to ask my nanny to let my fav neighb watch the girls for thirty minutes since she needed to leave. And of course on the way out of the parking lot I hit another car. Yes, I have already put two obvious dents in my brand new minivan.
Husband was incredibly nice about it. He has learned that getting mad at me does NOT help. I feel bad enough about it without his comments. So he quietly inspected the damage and suggested I just get it fixed. Easy. I sure like him. . .
He never did comment on my hair.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Which Knees?
I was on call this past weekend when the pager went off late Friday night. The text message said the patient's knee was swollen. When I called her back she told me both her knees were swollen. I wasn't really awake when I asked,
"Wait. Which knees are swollen?"
She hesitated for a second and said "Um. . . the right AND the left?"
Oh, to have an idiot like me as your doctor.
Later Sunday evening Special K (little sis) came home from work and filled Husband and I in on her love life. There she was in her size 2 jeans (which were too big, by the way) and her top which showed off her collar bones, since that's one of her better features. Husband and I were both exhausted and sprawled out on the couch while the girls crawled all over us like ants at a picnic. Anyway, it seems a young man at work has a crush on Special K, but he won't do anything about it except follow her around and tease her. Meanwhile the gang from work went out to a gay bar and the ONE single guy there (who happens to be quite cute) hit on Special K. He then came into her place of work yesterday, which infuriated the Boy With Crush. AAAhhhh, the Drama. As Special K told us this story and expounded on the difficulties of balancing said Love Interests I reflected on what different lives we have. My joy of the day was crawling around after Little Bit playing chase. She loves that game. I hadn't had a shower and my weekend outfit wasn't really flattering. I couldn't remember when I contemplated the Delimnas of my Love Life, or if I ever had any to begin with.
I'm not complaining, though. I prefer chasing Little Bit any day.
"Wait. Which knees are swollen?"
She hesitated for a second and said "Um. . . the right AND the left?"
Oh, to have an idiot like me as your doctor.
Later Sunday evening Special K (little sis) came home from work and filled Husband and I in on her love life. There she was in her size 2 jeans (which were too big, by the way) and her top which showed off her collar bones, since that's one of her better features. Husband and I were both exhausted and sprawled out on the couch while the girls crawled all over us like ants at a picnic. Anyway, it seems a young man at work has a crush on Special K, but he won't do anything about it except follow her around and tease her. Meanwhile the gang from work went out to a gay bar and the ONE single guy there (who happens to be quite cute) hit on Special K. He then came into her place of work yesterday, which infuriated the Boy With Crush. AAAhhhh, the Drama. As Special K told us this story and expounded on the difficulties of balancing said Love Interests I reflected on what different lives we have. My joy of the day was crawling around after Little Bit playing chase. She loves that game. I hadn't had a shower and my weekend outfit wasn't really flattering. I couldn't remember when I contemplated the Delimnas of my Love Life, or if I ever had any to begin with.
I'm not complaining, though. I prefer chasing Little Bit any day.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Gymbaby
Today I took Toddler to gymnastics. Ooohh what fun we had. When she walked across a balance beam and then slid down a mat into the foam pit I almost wet myself with pride. I have visions of her competing at the elite level and working for the olympic trials in 12 short years. All because she can hang on a bar like a monkey.
I need a life.
I need a life.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I Don't Like Blogs
So Little Sis was sitting on my floor last night while I read our sister's blog. "Have you read E.McPan's blog lately?" I asked.
"I don't read her blog." she replied with a resolute look on her face.
"But it's so funny! She is a riot!"
"Don't you KNOW? I don't like blogs." she huffily replied. "They're just an excuse for people not to have conversations with each other and instead talk into a computer without forming relationships. . . blah blah blah"
I find this comment very interesting coming from a young woman who spends 86% of her time in her room grooming herself or reading a novel or something or other. When she does venture out it's to answer my questions with one word sentences or "I don't know." Sigh. Huff. Eye rolling. The relationships aren't forming too rapidly somedays. Maybe if I email her we'll get somewhere. . .
At least I know I can talk about her all I want on this very public forum. She'll never stoop so low as to read it.
"I don't read her blog." she replied with a resolute look on her face.
"But it's so funny! She is a riot!"
"Don't you KNOW? I don't like blogs." she huffily replied. "They're just an excuse for people not to have conversations with each other and instead talk into a computer without forming relationships. . . blah blah blah"
I find this comment very interesting coming from a young woman who spends 86% of her time in her room grooming herself or reading a novel or something or other. When she does venture out it's to answer my questions with one word sentences or "I don't know." Sigh. Huff. Eye rolling. The relationships aren't forming too rapidly somedays. Maybe if I email her we'll get somewhere. . .
At least I know I can talk about her all I want on this very public forum. She'll never stoop so low as to read it.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Summer of Slovenly Appearance
Hello Internet World. I am alive and kicking. I've just been busy/lazy/distracted and haven't blogged in a while. Here's the scoop. My very little sister is visiting this summer and it has been a real eye opening experience. She is five feet tall and weighs somewhere between 97 and 99 pounds. The last time I weighed that was in fifth grade. True story.
Anyway, she is very fashion/makeup/beauty conscious and I am not. You would think I would have a thing or two to teach her since she is thirteen years younger than me. Not Happening.
I've discovered I should tweeze my eyebrows, get pedicures for my feet, wax my upper lip and hairy chin, and consider a tan. I cannot for the love of mankind wear horizontal stripes (or wide vertical ones) nor should I wear any heavy fabrics. I've learned to avoid busy material (especially if the background is dark or the print is large) because it just makes me look larger. I need to stop wearing clunky boring shoes and try for a little bit more heel and pointier toe (but not too pointy!). Pants must be low on the hip and dark. No stripes. Not high waisted.
While learning all of these things in the middle of a rather hectic shopping binge last week she finally turned to me and asked "Don't you ever groom yourself?"
I just grunted in my big hairy apelike way and went back to picking ticks out of my hair.
But I am getting better. The other day I picked out a shirt and asked her if it would be okay. "NO!" she shrieked with a big heavy sigh. I slowly went to put it back when she grabbed it and asked "And WHY isn't this one good for you?" in her best most patronizing tone.
"Because the neck line is too high? It's too busy? The grade of fabric is too heavy????" I answered quite desparately.
"Right" she said. Then she waltzed off to another rack of clothes. I was left there sweating. Which one was it? What's the answer? What do I do???
Med school was easier than this.
Anyway, she is very fashion/makeup/beauty conscious and I am not. You would think I would have a thing or two to teach her since she is thirteen years younger than me. Not Happening.
I've discovered I should tweeze my eyebrows, get pedicures for my feet, wax my upper lip and hairy chin, and consider a tan. I cannot for the love of mankind wear horizontal stripes (or wide vertical ones) nor should I wear any heavy fabrics. I've learned to avoid busy material (especially if the background is dark or the print is large) because it just makes me look larger. I need to stop wearing clunky boring shoes and try for a little bit more heel and pointier toe (but not too pointy!). Pants must be low on the hip and dark. No stripes. Not high waisted.
While learning all of these things in the middle of a rather hectic shopping binge last week she finally turned to me and asked "Don't you ever groom yourself?"
I just grunted in my big hairy apelike way and went back to picking ticks out of my hair.
But I am getting better. The other day I picked out a shirt and asked her if it would be okay. "NO!" she shrieked with a big heavy sigh. I slowly went to put it back when she grabbed it and asked "And WHY isn't this one good for you?" in her best most patronizing tone.
"Because the neck line is too high? It's too busy? The grade of fabric is too heavy????" I answered quite desparately.
"Right" she said. Then she waltzed off to another rack of clothes. I was left there sweating. Which one was it? What's the answer? What do I do???
Med school was easier than this.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
TiVolution
I frequently become upset with Husband because he watches so much TV. It has taken several months, but we have succeeded in keeping the TV off until the girls go to bed. So when he finally gets to watch, the pickins are somewhat slim. I therefore decided to buy him the TiVo system so his TV watching would be more efficient. I mean, come on, how many episodes of CSI and American Chopper can one man watch?
I put the entire system together yesterday and it only took eight hours. I now understand video/audio cables, IR cables, and cable boxes in general. After hooking everything up (no small feat with our entertainment system arranged the way it is) I dutifully answered every little question it asked about our cable program, zip code, area code, cable box, etc. I thought it might ask me my favorite color. I was ready. But it worked at the end of the day. Awesome. I rock.
Last night he set the programs he wanted to record in case he misses them. Guess what he put in?
CSI and American Chopper.
Lovely.
I put the entire system together yesterday and it only took eight hours. I now understand video/audio cables, IR cables, and cable boxes in general. After hooking everything up (no small feat with our entertainment system arranged the way it is) I dutifully answered every little question it asked about our cable program, zip code, area code, cable box, etc. I thought it might ask me my favorite color. I was ready. But it worked at the end of the day. Awesome. I rock.
Last night he set the programs he wanted to record in case he misses them. Guess what he put in?
CSI and American Chopper.
Lovely.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Potty Talk
Toddler is almost ready to potty train. As such, we have many discussions about poo poo and pee pee. Here are a few examples of these actual conversations.
"Mommy change diaper! Mommy change poo poo diaper!"
"Okay, come over here so I can change it and put a fresh one on. Oh my, this is a poo poo diaper!"
"I wanna see it! I wanna see it! I wanna see poo poo diaper!"
"Okay, I heard you. But be still so I can clean you up. There, now see it? It's a big poo poo."
"Yay poo poo diaper! I wanna flush it! I wanna flush it!"
"Okay, calm down. Let's go in the bathroom. There it goes, now you can flush it."
"Bye bye Peeya's poo poo! That was a BIG poo poo! Bye bye poo poo!"
This happens every single day. I must always show her what her body eliminated, rather it is urine or stool. She just wants to see (but then, don't we all take a little peek?). What gets bad is when she discusses my body habits in a public bathroom. We were in Target the other day when this very thing happenned.
"Mommy needs to go to the bathroom. Mommy's going POO POO!!!!"
"No, Priya, I'm not. Now please don't talk so loud. . . "
"OOOhhh, Mommie's going poo poo! Flush Mommie! Bye-bye Mommie's poo poo!!!"
I just cringe as we walk out.
When Little Bit gets a diaper change she has to see that too. And she likes to help clean her up. I don't think I'll let Little Bit know that little detail when they're older.
Toddler is also in a "everything must be clean" phase. If her bib gets dirty when she eats she insists I change it.
"BIIIIB! Mommy change Peeya's bib! It's durrrty! Hurry Mommy! Hurry!"
We may go through three bibs during one meal. She won't listen when I try to explain the purpose of the bib. It simply MUST be changed NOW.
It was a bit of a trying weekend. Her ears are both infected, again, and she was wheezing so bad we had to start steroids and breathing treatments. I'm really praying I don't get the "We need to think about tubes" talk from her pediatrician when we go in tomorrow. Ugghhh.
"Mommy change diaper! Mommy change poo poo diaper!"
"Okay, come over here so I can change it and put a fresh one on. Oh my, this is a poo poo diaper!"
"I wanna see it! I wanna see it! I wanna see poo poo diaper!"
"Okay, I heard you. But be still so I can clean you up. There, now see it? It's a big poo poo."
"Yay poo poo diaper! I wanna flush it! I wanna flush it!"
"Okay, calm down. Let's go in the bathroom. There it goes, now you can flush it."
"Bye bye Peeya's poo poo! That was a BIG poo poo! Bye bye poo poo!"
This happens every single day. I must always show her what her body eliminated, rather it is urine or stool. She just wants to see (but then, don't we all take a little peek?). What gets bad is when she discusses my body habits in a public bathroom. We were in Target the other day when this very thing happenned.
"Mommy needs to go to the bathroom. Mommy's going POO POO!!!!"
"No, Priya, I'm not. Now please don't talk so loud. . . "
"OOOhhh, Mommie's going poo poo! Flush Mommie! Bye-bye Mommie's poo poo!!!"
I just cringe as we walk out.
When Little Bit gets a diaper change she has to see that too. And she likes to help clean her up. I don't think I'll let Little Bit know that little detail when they're older.
Toddler is also in a "everything must be clean" phase. If her bib gets dirty when she eats she insists I change it.
"BIIIIB! Mommy change Peeya's bib! It's durrrty! Hurry Mommy! Hurry!"
We may go through three bibs during one meal. She won't listen when I try to explain the purpose of the bib. It simply MUST be changed NOW.
It was a bit of a trying weekend. Her ears are both infected, again, and she was wheezing so bad we had to start steroids and breathing treatments. I'm really praying I don't get the "We need to think about tubes" talk from her pediatrician when we go in tomorrow. Ugghhh.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
What I learned today
Today I learned how to fix my printer. All by myself.
I learned how to apply for a new medicare provider number, how to apply for malpractice insurance, how to hire a nurse, and how to arrange for a date with my husband. We're going to see Star Wars.
I still need to learn how to obtain private insurance credentials, how to work with electronic medical records, and how to get Little Bit to eat more solid food without throwing up all the time.
I've mastered how to choose the wrong paint for my wall (should have gone with eggshell finish), how to kill a plant, and how to nurture a sick Beta fish back to health. Okay, no nursing involved. I just fed it and it survived. But I did learn how to transfer it to another bowl without causing major stress to the poor thing.
I've learned how to hold an impromptu pool party involving three different pools and seven children without anyone drowning. Steep learning curve there.
I want to learn how to grow pretty fingernails and lose 15 pounds.
I'll soon learn what it's like to take Toddler to "Mommy and Me" gymnastics class. Wish me luck.
That's it. I start my new job on June 20th, officially. Private practice here I come!
I learned how to apply for a new medicare provider number, how to apply for malpractice insurance, how to hire a nurse, and how to arrange for a date with my husband. We're going to see Star Wars.
I still need to learn how to obtain private insurance credentials, how to work with electronic medical records, and how to get Little Bit to eat more solid food without throwing up all the time.
I've mastered how to choose the wrong paint for my wall (should have gone with eggshell finish), how to kill a plant, and how to nurture a sick Beta fish back to health. Okay, no nursing involved. I just fed it and it survived. But I did learn how to transfer it to another bowl without causing major stress to the poor thing.
I've learned how to hold an impromptu pool party involving three different pools and seven children without anyone drowning. Steep learning curve there.
I want to learn how to grow pretty fingernails and lose 15 pounds.
I'll soon learn what it's like to take Toddler to "Mommy and Me" gymnastics class. Wish me luck.
That's it. I start my new job on June 20th, officially. Private practice here I come!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Thursday, May 19, 2005
All is Not Lost. . .
Update. I may have found a new practice to join. I met a wonderful Nurse Practitioner today who owns her own practice and is looking to have a doc join on. She isn't asking me to buy in, just share overhead. I really like her because she strikes me as fair, honest and hardworking. She also isn't out to make a million dollars, but wants the business to work. My gut says this is a great opportunity and I wouldn't have to work for "Big Brother" anymore. I love the idea of having control. Less pay, certainly, but control. It's worth it.
Stay tuned.
Stay tuned.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
The Terminator
So, as many of you in the family know, I was "terminated without cause" last week. It was all very sudden and a very hard pill to swallow. I have no idea why they decided to terminate my contract, but I guess this is what the corporate world is like. Mental note: doctors don't belong in the corporate world.
My patients are being told I have left the practice and will not be back. I feel like I've just abandoned them (which I have). I spent more than a year developing solid relationships with them and now it's over. No warning to either party. What they don't know is that this was not my choice. They probably think I was fired or just lost my mind and quit.
All of this leaves me with the question of what to do with my life now. Do I work? Do I stay home and be a full time Mom? Can I find a job which allows me to do both without losing my mind?
If anyone out there has the answer please let me know. I'll be here.
My patients are being told I have left the practice and will not be back. I feel like I've just abandoned them (which I have). I spent more than a year developing solid relationships with them and now it's over. No warning to either party. What they don't know is that this was not my choice. They probably think I was fired or just lost my mind and quit.
All of this leaves me with the question of what to do with my life now. Do I work? Do I stay home and be a full time Mom? Can I find a job which allows me to do both without losing my mind?
If anyone out there has the answer please let me know. I'll be here.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Happy Mother's Day!
You never realize how wonderful your mother is until you become a parent yourself. All those so called "grievences" you carried in your twenties disappear when you make your first seventeen mistakes raising your own daughter. You swear you're going to do "everything absolutely right" and have the happiest baby/toddler on the block. You buy age appropriate toys and make difficult decisions regarding solid food and potty training.
And then one Mother's Day you call your own mom and wish her a Happy Mother's Day and, although the conversation is a pleasant one, you realize she really doesn't have any idea how much she means to you. How do you put those feelings into words?
It finally hit me when I said to a friend the other day "I'm just like my Mom!"
Of course, I'm like her in tangible ways in that I have her smile and dark hair. I'm learning to sew (which she does quite well), would like to learn to quilt (another talent of hers), and wish my garden was half as pretty as hers. I drive a minivan (she spent years driving a real van), and I could spend an entire weekend reading a good novel. But when I made that statement I meant that I'm like her because I love my children more than anything in the world. Just as she loves hers.
I'm so blessed to have been raised by her. She was a thoughtful, kind, and imperfect Mom. I'm hoping I can do half as well raising my own children.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you more than you know.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Wild Kingdom
We had a great vacation. The weather was perfect, the rental house was wonderful and the girls really enjoyed themselves. We went to Sea World and Animal Kingdom. Husband's parents and brother came too and his mom cooked three meals for us. First, everyone gave her a hard time for bringing TONS of food along, but they sure shut up when they realized she had made yet another great meal. I wish I could cook like that.
Toddler loved swimming. That was the bomb in her mind. She doesn't understand that humans don't float. I will try to attach a picture if I get a chance. Little Bit relaxed in the baby floatie and took in some rays.
Later, Toddler made up a song about "Little Mommie." She sung this song to the tune of "Oh I Wish I was a Little Bar of Soap." It went something like this:
Oh Little Little Mommie!
Oh Little Little Mommie!
Oh Little Little Mommie!
over and over and over again. Clever, huh?
The only hard part of the trip occurred on the first day. I took the girls in for a quick well child visit to the pediatrician before we left and he announced that they both had ear infections. So before we got on the plane I doped them up with Motrin, Benadryl and an antiobiotic. Big mistake. Toddler almost crawled out of her skin she was so irritable. Benadryl does NOT work with her. And I should win some award for changing a dirty diaper in the airplane's lavoratory during turbulance. Man, I'm good. So there we were with fussy Toddler and sleeping Little Bit, a DVD player going and Teddy Grahams all over the floor on the airplane. Husband looked at me and said "We must be CRAZY!!!." At that point we didn't have much choice but to suck it up (seeing as how we were 30,000 feet up and hovering somewhere over southern Georgia). I could have used a one way bus ticket to Las Vegas at that point.
www.ImageShack.us" />Both girls are still having some fevers and a dry cough. Last night Little Bit threw up three times before going to bed. Thank you, child. I love the smell of vomit all over my shirt and your third pair of clean pajamas.
Friday, April 22, 2005
You Don't Own Me
Apparantly Big Brother thinks he owns me. He bought shares of my blog and has ordered me to post more often. So here it is on a Friday night and the girls are asleep and my hair is wet (first shower this week!) and I stink from my sunless tanner. But I have a beautiful bronze glow to hide my cellulite on my massive thighs. And with that lovely image. . .
Husband is asleep on the floor. He has been working his ass off all week and we were talking about the girls, work, etc, and he fell asleep. Poor thing. He just woke up and rolled over. He is in the fetal position. Somebody do something!
I've put both girls in the same room! Oh, what a big step! Last night was the first night and Toddler woke up Little Bit at 2:00 am. Tonight they both went to sleep at 9:08!!! Heaven!!! I really think they'll enjoy being in the same room. I know I enjoyed sharing a room with my lovely sisters for years on end. My younger sister is a saint. She had to put up with a lot of neurotic behavior on my part. And it only got worse as I hit junior high. Luckily, I got my own room by then. I plan on splitting Toddler and Little Bit up when they hit 12 or 13. Unless they just want to stay roomies. . .
Both girls are sick with colds. Lots of green crud bubbling out of their noses all week long. Husband has hardly been around to see it, but did manage to catch the cold two days ago.
Toddler learned how to blow bubbles in the bathtub tonight. And I don't mean from her bottom! She was pretty pleased with herself. I think I'll start teaching her to swim this summer.
And Little Bit learned to vomit behind my back. Two nights ago I spent an hour getting Toddler to sleep (ears infected AGAIN) and finally checked on Little Bit at around midnight. She was sound asleep and covered in vomit. Her hair was matted with it and the bed was soaked. Gross. So she had a bath at midnight. Didn't even cry. I love that kid!
We're going to Orlando to Sea World in three days. I've rented all the equipment and have the ticket confimation numbers set. I'm ready. This WILL be a seamless, fun, relaxing vacation. And if the girls are not enjoying themselves I will give them some sage advice handed down to me by my dear father. "Smile, damnit!"
Husband is asleep on the floor. He has been working his ass off all week and we were talking about the girls, work, etc, and he fell asleep. Poor thing. He just woke up and rolled over. He is in the fetal position. Somebody do something!
I've put both girls in the same room! Oh, what a big step! Last night was the first night and Toddler woke up Little Bit at 2:00 am. Tonight they both went to sleep at 9:08!!! Heaven!!! I really think they'll enjoy being in the same room. I know I enjoyed sharing a room with my lovely sisters for years on end. My younger sister is a saint. She had to put up with a lot of neurotic behavior on my part. And it only got worse as I hit junior high. Luckily, I got my own room by then. I plan on splitting Toddler and Little Bit up when they hit 12 or 13. Unless they just want to stay roomies. . .
Both girls are sick with colds. Lots of green crud bubbling out of their noses all week long. Husband has hardly been around to see it, but did manage to catch the cold two days ago.
Toddler learned how to blow bubbles in the bathtub tonight. And I don't mean from her bottom! She was pretty pleased with herself. I think I'll start teaching her to swim this summer.
And Little Bit learned to vomit behind my back. Two nights ago I spent an hour getting Toddler to sleep (ears infected AGAIN) and finally checked on Little Bit at around midnight. She was sound asleep and covered in vomit. Her hair was matted with it and the bed was soaked. Gross. So she had a bath at midnight. Didn't even cry. I love that kid!
We're going to Orlando to Sea World in three days. I've rented all the equipment and have the ticket confimation numbers set. I'm ready. This WILL be a seamless, fun, relaxing vacation. And if the girls are not enjoying themselves I will give them some sage advice handed down to me by my dear father. "Smile, damnit!"
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Are you Drunk or What?
The other night I went to eat dinner with some friends. Now, they have two children about my girls' age and we picked Prom night when the kids were hungry and antsy. But that wasn't the problem. After waiting 20 minutes to get to a table I was told they didn't have enough high chairs. No problem, I'm flexible. So I put toddler in a booster chair. Meanwhile, Little Bit began crying and wouldn't stay in the stroller. I was trying to keep toddler occupied, keep Little Bit calm and pick out dinner for myself and Husband (who was at work). It didn't take but three minutes for Toddler to fall out of her chair and onto her face on the floor. She erupted into screams and sixteen pairs of eyes turned to stare. No problem, people stare all the time. But then this heavy set man came over and began yelling at my friend's husband. He told him to take his kids outside and don't come to the restaurant with his kids, etc, etc. My friend's husband (a Saint) told him we had just as much right to be there as anyone else. Then the man said "If you can't afford a babysitter, then don't come!" That was a stupid comment all on it's own since my friend's husband is an orthopedic surgeon and can certainly afford a babysitter. But he didn't get mad. He just looked at him and said "This conversation is over. Get out of my face."
I, of course, was furious. My hands were shaking I was so mad. So I put Toddler back in her seat and tried to calm my nerves while calming Little Bit. Meanwhile, Toddler fell AGAIN and hit the floor. I felt horrible. I finally took her outside to calm both of us down. I also waited until Mr. Butthead got up to leave and gave him a piece of my mind. A small piece, but a piece just the same.
"Are you drunk to be acting that way?" I asked. I then told him that I was this child's mother and he shouldn't have yelled at my friend's husband. He said "What kind of mother lets her child fall out of a chair TWICE??" A terrible one. A negligent one. A tired, confused and frustrated one.
But at least I'm not a butthead.
I wish I had quick and witty retort. But I didn't. I just sputtered and stalked off. Ugghhh.
And here is a sample of some great quotes I've heard this week.
"Jeffry Dalhmer grew up in a strict religious family, but he lost his religion during his killing spree." -From an A&E documentary
"That's so cute!" -Toddler's current response to any shirt you show her.
"Ted Bundy was a Republican." Of couse! - From an A&E documentary.
I, of course, was furious. My hands were shaking I was so mad. So I put Toddler back in her seat and tried to calm my nerves while calming Little Bit. Meanwhile, Toddler fell AGAIN and hit the floor. I felt horrible. I finally took her outside to calm both of us down. I also waited until Mr. Butthead got up to leave and gave him a piece of my mind. A small piece, but a piece just the same.
"Are you drunk to be acting that way?" I asked. I then told him that I was this child's mother and he shouldn't have yelled at my friend's husband. He said "What kind of mother lets her child fall out of a chair TWICE??" A terrible one. A negligent one. A tired, confused and frustrated one.
But at least I'm not a butthead.
I wish I had quick and witty retort. But I didn't. I just sputtered and stalked off. Ugghhh.
And here is a sample of some great quotes I've heard this week.
"Jeffry Dalhmer grew up in a strict religious family, but he lost his religion during his killing spree." -From an A&E documentary
"That's so cute!" -Toddler's current response to any shirt you show her.
"Ted Bundy was a Republican." Of couse! - From an A&E documentary.
Friday, April 08, 2005
I Brake for Valium
So the other day I drove my new shiny minivan to work with the emergency brake on the entire way. That's roughly 20 minutes. I wondered why it didn't have much pick up and go. It took me all day to get the courage to tell Husband. He very carefully started breathing through his nose so as to not say something he would regret. Finally, he asked "Didn't you realize it was on?"
Hmmmm. Let's think about that. Should I say "Yes, dear. I was aware the whole time but thought I'd go ahead and keep it on in case a true emergency arose. I would be quite prepared with my emergency brake already applied." Or should I say "No, I had no idea it was on. Nobody told me. The car didn't bing or ding or make any noise to alert me. It's Toyota's fault."
But, instead, I just cut him a look that said "That is one of those questions you don't ask your wife if you want to live to see 40." He got the message.
And yesterday a patient fired me. He didn't say anything to me but his girlfriend called the office later and told the office manager I wouldn't refill his medications and laughed at him. Yes, that's me. I like to refuse much needed medical treatment and giggle at patients' suffering. It's just so darn funny!!!
Ends up he takes too much of a certain sedative and also drinks too much of a certain alcohol along with it. Silly me. I wouldn't let him have more sedatives. Of course, I also didn't give him any antibiotics for his viral sinus infection. Bad doctor! Bad doctor! He refuses to see me again, but would gladly accept another refill of his sedative while he looks for another physician.
I'm including a great picture of Little Bit. Her two eyeteeth have come in and her two bottom front teeth are in so she looks like she has little fangs. They're rather sharp, as those of us who have put our fingers in her mouth have discovered. Ask Husband. He yelps everytime he does it but keeps going back for more.
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Hmmmm. Let's think about that. Should I say "Yes, dear. I was aware the whole time but thought I'd go ahead and keep it on in case a true emergency arose. I would be quite prepared with my emergency brake already applied." Or should I say "No, I had no idea it was on. Nobody told me. The car didn't bing or ding or make any noise to alert me. It's Toyota's fault."
But, instead, I just cut him a look that said "That is one of those questions you don't ask your wife if you want to live to see 40." He got the message.
And yesterday a patient fired me. He didn't say anything to me but his girlfriend called the office later and told the office manager I wouldn't refill his medications and laughed at him. Yes, that's me. I like to refuse much needed medical treatment and giggle at patients' suffering. It's just so darn funny!!!
Ends up he takes too much of a certain sedative and also drinks too much of a certain alcohol along with it. Silly me. I wouldn't let him have more sedatives. Of course, I also didn't give him any antibiotics for his viral sinus infection. Bad doctor! Bad doctor! He refuses to see me again, but would gladly accept another refill of his sedative while he looks for another physician.
I'm including a great picture of Little Bit. Her two eyeteeth have come in and her two bottom front teeth are in so she looks like she has little fangs. They're rather sharp, as those of us who have put our fingers in her mouth have discovered. Ask Husband. He yelps everytime he does it but keeps going back for more.
www.ImageShack.us" />Sunday, April 03, 2005
Two-burty
And let the fun begin. . .
Today is Toddler's birthday. She is two. Fav Neighb gave me an article about two years olds and how this time should be called Two-burty since two year olds act like they're in puberty without the acne. So true.
I was so wrapped up in the party that I forgot to feed Little Bit. After six hours without food she began wailing. I'm terrible. Just awful. Somebody fire me.
But even if I'm a failure as a mother, I at least look like I know what I'm doing. When I'm driving, that is. We just got our new minivan. It is so nice and shiny!!! Hee hee hee. I played with all the bells and whistles for a while tonight. Husband said I better enjoy it since it's the only car I'm going to get for 15 years. Right. Then he cleaned out the SUV until it sparkled (since we traded in his car and he is going to drive the SUV now). He was disgusted with the things he found in there. "No food or drink in the new car!" he roared. OK, honey. You tell Toddler that when she is screaming for juice halfway between here and nowhere. I'd like to see how long that lasts.
He then went inside, got on the internet and looked at his Dream Cars. The latest is a Mercedes CLS500 or something like that. It costs about as much as a small house. He always talks big but never buys big. I told him to buy the Ford Festiva and get it over with. It gets good gas mileage and will get him from here to there. I think he said No to that one. I suggested it and left the room quickly.
I should quit blogging. I'm giving a talk to some women next week about hormone replacement therapy and I haven't even finished my slides. See, I'm a failure as a mother and as a doctor.
But my minivan sure is shiny!
Today is Toddler's birthday. She is two. Fav Neighb gave me an article about two years olds and how this time should be called Two-burty since two year olds act like they're in puberty without the acne. So true.
I was so wrapped up in the party that I forgot to feed Little Bit. After six hours without food she began wailing. I'm terrible. Just awful. Somebody fire me.
But even if I'm a failure as a mother, I at least look like I know what I'm doing. When I'm driving, that is. We just got our new minivan. It is so nice and shiny!!! Hee hee hee. I played with all the bells and whistles for a while tonight. Husband said I better enjoy it since it's the only car I'm going to get for 15 years. Right. Then he cleaned out the SUV until it sparkled (since we traded in his car and he is going to drive the SUV now). He was disgusted with the things he found in there. "No food or drink in the new car!" he roared. OK, honey. You tell Toddler that when she is screaming for juice halfway between here and nowhere. I'd like to see how long that lasts.
He then went inside, got on the internet and looked at his Dream Cars. The latest is a Mercedes CLS500 or something like that. It costs about as much as a small house. He always talks big but never buys big. I told him to buy the Ford Festiva and get it over with. It gets good gas mileage and will get him from here to there. I think he said No to that one. I suggested it and left the room quickly.
I should quit blogging. I'm giving a talk to some women next week about hormone replacement therapy and I haven't even finished my slides. See, I'm a failure as a mother and as a doctor.
But my minivan sure is shiny!
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Easter
Here is Toddler enjoying her new water table. She really loves that thing.
And here is Little Bit this sitting with her Nanny
Nanny put Toddler's hair in pigtails so I had to take a picture.
And here is Little Bit this sitting with her Nanny
Nanny put Toddler's hair in pigtails so I had to take a picture.
Clean and Dry
A few days back a patient called and said she accidentally washed her prescription for pain medication with her clothes and needed another one. I asked her to bring the old one in (because I trust no one these days) and I would write her another. She finally brought in the crumbly and barely legible prescription and I wrote her a new one. Before the nurse took it to her she asked me if I had any special instructions for her.
"Yeah, tell her Dry Clean Only." Heh heh heh
I'm so clever.
And in other news, Husband is angry because toddler is talking like a Southener. One of her nanny's is from Alabama and we've decided to blame her. She says things like "Deener" instead of Dinner and "Deeown" in stead of Down. Drives him crazy. Of course, toddler knows it and teases him everytime he walks in the door. I told him we shouldn't raise her in the South if he doesn't want her to talk that way.
Speaking of, family sometimes asks me to relate more Southern terms I learn in my practice. Here is a list of the current ones:
Liter = muscle
Kernel = lymph node
Pone = fat pad (or loaf of corn bread)
Fall Out = to faint
Nature is bad = impotence
Sugar = diabetes
All Stoved up = stiff (from arthritis)
Dizzy Headed = dizzy
Vomickin = vomit
Once't day = Once a day
Twice't day = Twice a day
Chest is tired = Chest pain
Diarareer = diarrhea
Foggy Headed = stupid
And to E.McPan - I didn't mean to imply you don't do anything outside of blogging. That's just it. I can't believe you accomplish as much as you do and still manage to blog that much! I can't do that. I'm too foggy headed.
"Yeah, tell her Dry Clean Only." Heh heh heh
I'm so clever.
And in other news, Husband is angry because toddler is talking like a Southener. One of her nanny's is from Alabama and we've decided to blame her. She says things like "Deener" instead of Dinner and "Deeown" in stead of Down. Drives him crazy. Of course, toddler knows it and teases him everytime he walks in the door. I told him we shouldn't raise her in the South if he doesn't want her to talk that way.
Speaking of, family sometimes asks me to relate more Southern terms I learn in my practice. Here is a list of the current ones:
Liter = muscle
Kernel = lymph node
Pone = fat pad (or loaf of corn bread)
Fall Out = to faint
Nature is bad = impotence
Sugar = diabetes
All Stoved up = stiff (from arthritis)
Dizzy Headed = dizzy
Vomickin = vomit
Once't day = Once a day
Twice't day = Twice a day
Chest is tired = Chest pain
Diarareer = diarrhea
Foggy Headed = stupid
And to E.McPan - I didn't mean to imply you don't do anything outside of blogging. That's just it. I can't believe you accomplish as much as you do and still manage to blog that much! I can't do that. I'm too foggy headed.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Pictures!
I've just figured out how to put pictures on my blog! Watch out world, here we come! I'm going to post pics for family (since they're the only ones who read my little blog anyway). Enjoy!
Here is Little Bit sitting up and quite proud of herself.
Here, Mom, is how the cute jacket and hat fit toddler. She's so happy to have it on!!
Here is Little Bit sitting up and quite proud of herself.
Here, Mom, is how the cute jacket and hat fit toddler. She's so happy to have it on!!
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Will Blog for Money
My sister, E.McPan, is the most amazing blogger. The girl must have hours of time on her hands because she writes a new blog about every 8 minutes. Seriously. I don't understand this at all since she is a law student and makes As in all her classes. When she was home for Thanksgiving another sister with two children said she just couldn't get to her computer to read the blogs. E McPan was somewhat incredulous. "What? Was something in front of it?" Yes. Children. Work. Life.
So I read recently that you can make money blogging. One man does it and is a part time law professor. He put a tip can on his blog site and there you go. Now advertisers are on his site and he makes about $3,000 a month. Since E.McPan is so interesting and gifted I think she too ought to make some extra money too.
As for me, I'm lucky to blog something once a month. But that's okay, because I don't have many interesting things to say anyway.
And let it be known that George W. Bush has no right to let the federal courts micromanage my health care or the care of any of my patients. If I want to die peacefully in the privacy of my home I will do it. No Republican is going to stop me.
So I read recently that you can make money blogging. One man does it and is a part time law professor. He put a tip can on his blog site and there you go. Now advertisers are on his site and he makes about $3,000 a month. Since E.McPan is so interesting and gifted I think she too ought to make some extra money too.
As for me, I'm lucky to blog something once a month. But that's okay, because I don't have many interesting things to say anyway.
And let it be known that George W. Bush has no right to let the federal courts micromanage my health care or the care of any of my patients. If I want to die peacefully in the privacy of my home I will do it. No Republican is going to stop me.
Monday, March 14, 2005
But I did sleep at the Holiday Inn Express. . .
You know your doctor's an Idiot when:
You tell her you had a double mastectomy twenty years ago and she asks you when your last mammogram was.
You tell her you're having chest pain and she asks "So where is the pain, exactly?"
She stops you in the middle of a sentance and says "Wait, go back. I didn't hear anything you just said." Yet she was looking right at you the whole time.
She walks into the room and introduces herself and asks "Have I seen you before?" This would be fine if it wasn't the third time you had seen her in the last two months.
You tell her you had a hysterectomy ten years ago and she asks "So when was your last menstrual cycle?"
And on the flip side: You know your patient is not quite with it when:
You ask them when they had their appendix removed and they say "Right after I had my knee replaced." Oh, okay. I was sitting right there, and I remember that day fondly. . .
You ask them to describe their pain and even give examples such as "crampy, dull, sharp, etc" and all they can say is "It just hurts." Okay. Where does it hurt? "Everywhere." Okay, how long has it been hurting? "A while" Hmmm, how long, exactly , is a while? "Well, it started after I had my appendix taken out." And when was that? "Right after I had my knee replaced. . . "
You ask them if they're allergic to any medications and they say "Oh yes. Benadryl." Oh. How is one allergic to allergy medicine?
You tell her you had a double mastectomy twenty years ago and she asks you when your last mammogram was.
You tell her you're having chest pain and she asks "So where is the pain, exactly?"
She stops you in the middle of a sentance and says "Wait, go back. I didn't hear anything you just said." Yet she was looking right at you the whole time.
She walks into the room and introduces herself and asks "Have I seen you before?" This would be fine if it wasn't the third time you had seen her in the last two months.
You tell her you had a hysterectomy ten years ago and she asks "So when was your last menstrual cycle?"
And on the flip side: You know your patient is not quite with it when:
You ask them when they had their appendix removed and they say "Right after I had my knee replaced." Oh, okay. I was sitting right there, and I remember that day fondly. . .
You ask them to describe their pain and even give examples such as "crampy, dull, sharp, etc" and all they can say is "It just hurts." Okay. Where does it hurt? "Everywhere." Okay, how long has it been hurting? "A while" Hmmm, how long, exactly , is a while? "Well, it started after I had my appendix taken out." And when was that? "Right after I had my knee replaced. . . "
You ask them if they're allergic to any medications and they say "Oh yes. Benadryl." Oh. How is one allergic to allergy medicine?
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Listen Here Little Missy
Today an elderly man who had undergone surgery a couple of weeks ago came to see me. His incision had become infected and he had just finished a week of antibiotics the surgeon had given him. It still hasn't healed, so he came to see me. Me, the internist. Me, the one who was not even remotely involved in his surgery.
After examining him I decided he may need drainage of this infection and wisely suggested he go back to the surgeon. This really made him angry. "I knew you would tell me that. Listen, all you guys do is send me back to the surgeons. I know what I need, little missy. In my day we didn't have doctors, we just treated ourselves. I've been around here a lot longer than you and what I need is some antibiotics. I'm tired of you docs sending me all over the place and always acting scared that you're going to be sued. But if you want me to go to the surgeon I'll do it. Just make the appointment and I'll be on my way. I guess you can't do anything else. . . "
I wrote him a prescription for the antibiotics and he huffed out of the room. I'm glad I went to four years of medical school, three years of residency and put myself into six figure debt so I could learn how to write the prescriptions my patients tell me to write. It was all worth it.
After examining him I decided he may need drainage of this infection and wisely suggested he go back to the surgeon. This really made him angry. "I knew you would tell me that. Listen, all you guys do is send me back to the surgeons. I know what I need, little missy. In my day we didn't have doctors, we just treated ourselves. I've been around here a lot longer than you and what I need is some antibiotics. I'm tired of you docs sending me all over the place and always acting scared that you're going to be sued. But if you want me to go to the surgeon I'll do it. Just make the appointment and I'll be on my way. I guess you can't do anything else. . . "
I wrote him a prescription for the antibiotics and he huffed out of the room. I'm glad I went to four years of medical school, three years of residency and put myself into six figure debt so I could learn how to write the prescriptions my patients tell me to write. It was all worth it.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Last night Husband said "You go to bed and I'll get up with the girls if they wake up. You need to rest!" So I dutifully went to bed at 9:30 and promptly woke up at 10:30 when Little Bit (seven month old) was crying. Husband was in the other room on the computer so I went in and told him. Later she woke up again (around 1:00 am) and he kept on sleeping. So I went in and tried to get her back to sleep (hard to do with her persistent cough). It took about an hour. At 4:00 am Toddler woke up and wanted "Mommie lay down!" After about 10 minutes I gave up trying to get her to sleep because we were both wide awake and I was in the process of coughing up my right lung. So I decided to take a shower. It's all about time conservation. I knew I wouldn't have time for a shower before work so why just sit around waiting to get back to sleep? Husband finally woke up then and said "But I didn't hear the girls crying!" Of course you didn't, silly. I knew you wouldn't. But it was a sweet gesture just the same.
Now I've lost my voice completely and my throat is on fire. I've hacked up one lung and am working on the other. Little Bit continues to have a low grade fever and Toddler has been introduced to the "Naughty Chair" because of her incredible behavior. Yes, I stole that from Supernanny, but it works!
And in other news, Husband is haggling with a Toyota dealership over the internet to get us a new minivan! He really knows his business and we're saving quite a bit by doing this over the internet. Go Husband!
Now I've lost my voice completely and my throat is on fire. I've hacked up one lung and am working on the other. Little Bit continues to have a low grade fever and Toddler has been introduced to the "Naughty Chair" because of her incredible behavior. Yes, I stole that from Supernanny, but it works!
And in other news, Husband is haggling with a Toyota dealership over the internet to get us a new minivan! He really knows his business and we're saving quite a bit by doing this over the internet. Go Husband!
Monday, February 21, 2005
The House of The Damned
The entire family is sick. Husband has the flu with body aches, fever and cough. Toddler has ear infections, won't eat ANYTHING, and is extremely CRANKY. Seven month old has a cold with high fevers that kept her up most of Saturday night. I have a cold and pharyngitis. I'm the lucky one. I've been vomited on six times, toddler thinks I'm her walking snot rag, and husband wonders what's for dinner. "I'm hungry" he says. So I oblige and make him some of his favorite comfort food. I think he is happy. He grunts.
It was a weekend of testing our limits as parents. You hate to see your children suffer, but you just want to go to bed yourself and wish they would take the antibiotic, or drink their juice, or sleep, or just stop begging to be held so you could get some sleep yourself.
By Sunday morning I cried UNCLE! I called my wonderful nanny and asked her to PLEASE come over after church just so we could get some rest. Just for one hour??? She is so nice that she declared herself on "Grandma Duty" and she came over and cleaned the nasty kitchen, vaccummed the den, folded laundry and played with Toddler Crankpot. I ran to the store and bought much needed food. Later, my Favorite Neighbor (or "Fav Neighb" as we call her) came over unannounced with Lasagna. Delicious home made Lasagna and my favorite cookies. How did she know? Word must have gotten out from the play group moms. We all have a radar for each other's kids' illnesses. That, and we want to stay as far away from them as we can.
Husband is blowing loads of junk out of his nose and announced today that he thinks this stuff would make great lubrication for car parts. That's just gross.
So after the Weekend of the Damned I went to work this morning.
There are three of us docs in our practice. We're all female, all about the same age, and have all have had a child this year. Doc # 3 just had her second little boy two days ago and we're covering for her while she is gone. I walked into an office with about one hundred charts to be reviewed. Seriously. And Monday is the day for sick people to crawl into the office begging for Z-packs and Hydrocodone. But given all that work and craziness, I felt like I was on a vacation compared to what we went through this past weekend. I LOVE MONDAYS!
It was a weekend of testing our limits as parents. You hate to see your children suffer, but you just want to go to bed yourself and wish they would take the antibiotic, or drink their juice, or sleep, or just stop begging to be held so you could get some sleep yourself.
By Sunday morning I cried UNCLE! I called my wonderful nanny and asked her to PLEASE come over after church just so we could get some rest. Just for one hour??? She is so nice that she declared herself on "Grandma Duty" and she came over and cleaned the nasty kitchen, vaccummed the den, folded laundry and played with Toddler Crankpot. I ran to the store and bought much needed food. Later, my Favorite Neighbor (or "Fav Neighb" as we call her) came over unannounced with Lasagna. Delicious home made Lasagna and my favorite cookies. How did she know? Word must have gotten out from the play group moms. We all have a radar for each other's kids' illnesses. That, and we want to stay as far away from them as we can.
Husband is blowing loads of junk out of his nose and announced today that he thinks this stuff would make great lubrication for car parts. That's just gross.
So after the Weekend of the Damned I went to work this morning.
There are three of us docs in our practice. We're all female, all about the same age, and have all have had a child this year. Doc # 3 just had her second little boy two days ago and we're covering for her while she is gone. I walked into an office with about one hundred charts to be reviewed. Seriously. And Monday is the day for sick people to crawl into the office begging for Z-packs and Hydrocodone. But given all that work and craziness, I felt like I was on a vacation compared to what we went through this past weekend. I LOVE MONDAYS!
Friday, February 18, 2005
This is My Life
This week has been so busy I've hardly had time to talk with anyone. So I'll just blog the main points of my week.
My daughter (almost 2 yo) became sick Monday and developed a temp of 104.5 twice. We had to wrap her in cool towels and put her in a tepid bathtub to bring it down. She had temps up to 103.5 for the next two days and felt awful. Finally they broke and she started to recover for the next two days. This morning, however, she developed another temp of 102.5 and wouldn't eat or do much of anything except watch "Bee-o" (Baby Einstein videos). I took her back to the pediatrician and she now has two bad ear infections. Poor thing. I paid $50 for the antibiotic just because it is a once a day medication and getting any meds down her is an act of God.
My husband became sick two days ago with severe sore throat and body aches. He cannot take a day off work because in his type of medicine patients "prep" for their colonoscopies the night before and if anyone other than George W himself cancels their procedure they may kill someone. So he went to work with fevers and sinus congestion, etc.
The last time he did this he had an ear infection too and was just about to do a colonoscopy on a patient when he became so dizzy he almost passed out. I had to cancel several of my patient's appointments to go pick him up. He was the butt of many jokes after that. (Pun fully intended).
We are trying to buy a minivan but we can't decide between the Honda Odyssey and the Toyota Sienna. I test drove an Odyssey on Wednesday and decided I liked the Toyota better. An hour and a half after the test drive I found the key to the Odyssey in my pocket. The car salesman must have been panicked because he didn't even know my name. I called him back and after a ten minute hold by the operator he came to the phone. Our conversation was something like this:
"Hi, Frank, this is the lady that test drove the Odyssey with you earlier today."
"DO YOU HAVE MY KEY?!!!!!"
"Yes, I've got it right here. Now, if you give me $2,000 dollars cash your manager may not have to find out about this. If you refuse, I simply give him a call and let him know what an idiot he has for an employee to let you give the keys to the new cars out to total strangers. What do you say?"
Okay, that was a fantasy. I actually just told him I had the key and would bring it by after my doctor's appointment. He was quite relieved.
Yesterday I installed a motion detector for the light switch in our bedroom. Okay, I started the project but the husband finished it. I have to try to sneak around and do projects around the house, because once he catches wind of it he comes running to "do it right." I'm a good sport, but I'm worried about when we retire and spend too much time in the house together. I may not get to do anything except the laundry, dishes and household chores. I'll be so bored.
The motion detector, by the way, only works if you're about 20 feet away. It has a hard time sensing motion right in front of it. Weird. It must have been put in wrong. . .
Well, my six month old just threw up on the husband. Maybe I should help clean him up. Can I handle that job?
My daughter (almost 2 yo) became sick Monday and developed a temp of 104.5 twice. We had to wrap her in cool towels and put her in a tepid bathtub to bring it down. She had temps up to 103.5 for the next two days and felt awful. Finally they broke and she started to recover for the next two days. This morning, however, she developed another temp of 102.5 and wouldn't eat or do much of anything except watch "Bee-o" (Baby Einstein videos). I took her back to the pediatrician and she now has two bad ear infections. Poor thing. I paid $50 for the antibiotic just because it is a once a day medication and getting any meds down her is an act of God.
My husband became sick two days ago with severe sore throat and body aches. He cannot take a day off work because in his type of medicine patients "prep" for their colonoscopies the night before and if anyone other than George W himself cancels their procedure they may kill someone. So he went to work with fevers and sinus congestion, etc.
The last time he did this he had an ear infection too and was just about to do a colonoscopy on a patient when he became so dizzy he almost passed out. I had to cancel several of my patient's appointments to go pick him up. He was the butt of many jokes after that. (Pun fully intended).
We are trying to buy a minivan but we can't decide between the Honda Odyssey and the Toyota Sienna. I test drove an Odyssey on Wednesday and decided I liked the Toyota better. An hour and a half after the test drive I found the key to the Odyssey in my pocket. The car salesman must have been panicked because he didn't even know my name. I called him back and after a ten minute hold by the operator he came to the phone. Our conversation was something like this:
"Hi, Frank, this is the lady that test drove the Odyssey with you earlier today."
"DO YOU HAVE MY KEY?!!!!!"
"Yes, I've got it right here. Now, if you give me $2,000 dollars cash your manager may not have to find out about this. If you refuse, I simply give him a call and let him know what an idiot he has for an employee to let you give the keys to the new cars out to total strangers. What do you say?"
Okay, that was a fantasy. I actually just told him I had the key and would bring it by after my doctor's appointment. He was quite relieved.
Yesterday I installed a motion detector for the light switch in our bedroom. Okay, I started the project but the husband finished it. I have to try to sneak around and do projects around the house, because once he catches wind of it he comes running to "do it right." I'm a good sport, but I'm worried about when we retire and spend too much time in the house together. I may not get to do anything except the laundry, dishes and household chores. I'll be so bored.
The motion detector, by the way, only works if you're about 20 feet away. It has a hard time sensing motion right in front of it. Weird. It must have been put in wrong. . .
Well, my six month old just threw up on the husband. Maybe I should help clean him up. Can I handle that job?
Friday, January 28, 2005
See A World
I've finally done it. I've made the final plans and reservations for our trip to Sea World this Spring. It's hard to figure out where to take a 9 month old and 2 year old. Would they enjoy the Grand Canyon? What about Big Sky, Montana? Ahh Heck, who am I kidding? They'll be happy/miserable/unpredictable wherever we go. But we'll be going in style. I insisted on a decent resort to stay in for a good price, and found it this afternoon. It only took me seventeen hours of sorting through 1,256 hotels to find it. And reading the reviews about all of them gets very tiring. Some people are soooo picky. For example:
"Our room was not exactly clean. I checked under the bed, behind the dresser, inside all the drawers and on the window sills and found a smidgon of dust. We certainly won't stay HERE again."
Oh, please. Don't ever come to my house, then. And why check behind the dresser? Will you be eating off that wall?
Anyway, we're only staying four nights and bringing loads of baby stuff. Two ginormous car seats, one ginormous double stroller, two booster seats, a portable potty seat, bottles, and. . . wait a minute. I may be able to rent this stuff from some rental place. I've done it before. Yay! Back to the internet to search for more vacation stuff. This is really exhausting. . .
"Our room was not exactly clean. I checked under the bed, behind the dresser, inside all the drawers and on the window sills and found a smidgon of dust. We certainly won't stay HERE again."
Oh, please. Don't ever come to my house, then. And why check behind the dresser? Will you be eating off that wall?
Anyway, we're only staying four nights and bringing loads of baby stuff. Two ginormous car seats, one ginormous double stroller, two booster seats, a portable potty seat, bottles, and. . . wait a minute. I may be able to rent this stuff from some rental place. I've done it before. Yay! Back to the internet to search for more vacation stuff. This is really exhausting. . .
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Which vagina do I use?
A patient came to see me yesterday and through our discussion I discovered she was in need of some vaginal hormone cream. I wrote her a prescription and sent her on her way. Today she called my nurse and asked how to use the cream. "Just use it as prescribed," she told her. "But it says to put 2 grams into BOTH vaginas," she said. "What other place am I supposed to put it in?" The nurse thought about it a second and said "I guess just put it in your ear. It will meet up eventually. . . "
Honest to God true story.
Ya gotta love the South.
Honest to God true story.
Ya gotta love the South.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Blankeeeeee!!!!
I did a really stupid thing two years ago. I bought a yellow receiving blanket and constantly put it in my daughter's crib. She eventually became attached to it and now, at 21 months, is obsessed with it. She drags it everywhere and it gets extremely dirty. Today I washed it and that was the longest hour and a half of my life. You would have thought I was cutting off her right arm the way she screamed. So I vowed to find some extra blankets to have on reserve.
The problem is that this particular blanket has been discontinued. Luckily I have found two on ebay and have bids on both. What the sellers don't know is that I'd pay $100 for them if I had to. I hope they're not reading this blog. . . .
The problem is that this particular blanket has been discontinued. Luckily I have found two on ebay and have bids on both. What the sellers don't know is that I'd pay $100 for them if I had to. I hope they're not reading this blog. . . .
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Minivans R Us
I have finally convinced the better half that we need a minivan. It took a test drive to do it. He has been resisting for months because they're just not attractive. He wanted a bigger SUV instead. I said, "well, let's go for a test drive of both cars and see what we think." Heh, heh, heh. So I dutifully drove the Sequoia and made comments like "Wow, it's so BIG and roomy. I need a stepstool to get the girls in their carseats, but I need the exercise, so that's a plus!" Then we drove the Sienna (minivan) and gosh darnit if it doesn't have more cargo space than the Sequoia! Automatic side doors and rear hatch. Fold down third row seats! DVD player and cupholders everywhere! It even has a navigation system with a rearview camera that goes on everytime you put the car in reverse! I won't run over small animals or children backing out of the garage! Such convenience! Such comfort! Each child gets her own seat!
Ahhhh. So he was convinced. "But we're not buying a new one! That's a waste of money! They depreciate worse than any other car! And I won't be seen in it!"
Ok. I'll be seen in it. Every single day. And I'll wear my minivan badge of parenthood with pride. Now if I can only talk him into the navigation system with rearview camera. . .
Ahhhh. So he was convinced. "But we're not buying a new one! That's a waste of money! They depreciate worse than any other car! And I won't be seen in it!"
Ok. I'll be seen in it. Every single day. And I'll wear my minivan badge of parenthood with pride. Now if I can only talk him into the navigation system with rearview camera. . .
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