You're just too qualified to make good money

So Kat had a good job interview yesterday. Everyone cross your fingers for her. I've never seen one person go on so many job interviews and come SO CLOSE to getting a job before in my life. She gives her resume to everyone and then sits back and waits. Usually they tell her she's overqualified, which just frustrates her. It' s amazing how different each job is, too. This one is for the managing editor of a magazine. No, she doesn't have a journalism degree, but there you go. They asked her how she came up with her writing style and she said it just pops out of her head. I believe it. You should hear what just pops out of her mouth.

I'm going to Gatlinburg for a girl's weekend with several friends (we're all Moms with kids in the same playgroup). We've been in a playgroup for several years now and gotten to know each other pretty well. We're going shopping, eating out at a nice restaurant and then staying in a cozy cabin in the mountains. I think we're going to listen to Barry Manilow and the Bee Gees while we dance around in our pajamas drinking wine. I'm super stoked!

Oh, and Sumeet is going to be on TV tomorrow. He'll be shooting a segment about colorectal screening or some such thing. He is not too excited about doing it. How can you sound cool when you're talking about a tube in someone's nether regions?

As for me, I have my mug plastered on a billboard in Soddy Daisy (yes, that's the name of a town north of here). We're trying to attract patients for our new nurse practitioner. We're all wearing bikinis. He, he, he. Obviously, that ploy won't work.

Oh, and I had the oddest dream last night. Figure this one out. I dreamt the whole family met at IHOP for open bar. But they weren't serving alcohol. They were serving pancakes (especially the Rutti Tutti Fresh and Fruity). I was miffed because Mom and Pam would eat their pancakes at the bar and then disappear, making me pay the tab. How rude.

It's time for a new look. I guess if I'm going to blog correctly I should change things up a bit. So here goes. I hope you like it.

Some input would be appreciated, but I understand if you look at it and say "Whatever" and click on You Tube to watch some kids slam into fences or something.

I assume only family is reading this, but I've learned a few people accidentally stumble onto it and stay for a nanosecond before roaring off. In that regard, I want to link Kat's Myspace page onto it, but don't think I can. Plus, I've never seen it and doubt she wants the family to view it. She says she put the girls on it once. Hmmmmm. I feel so old when I'm around her. She is much more technology savvy than I am and patiently tries to teach me what she can. She is the only person I've ever sent a text message to, or received one from. It's weird. If you have something to say, why not just call?

Anyway. Husband looked at my tan today and asked how long it would last. I told him seven to ten days. "Don't you bathe?" he asked.

Greedy

I am trying very hard not to fill my most interesting blog with "kids say the darndest things." But here I go anyway.

Yesterday Anjali was playing with Priya's barbie doll. Priya was drawing a picture. When she saw Anu with her doll she demanded she give it to her. I tried to reason with Priya, but it was no use. So I told Anjali she had to return the doll to Priya because Priya didn't want to share and was feeling a bit greedy. Anjali then stomped over to Priya and yelled "Priya! Don't Greedy Me!!"

Poor Anjali had "poo poo problems" all weekend. When her new nanny asked her if she had gone poo poo in the potty she grabbed her bottom and said "No, it just stayed up in there!"

Last night Priya was upstairs in bed and asked me to get her Barbie doll for her. I asked her which one, since she has two. She said, "You know, the one with legs." Oh. Okay. That narrows it down.

And on another note, I've had several compliments from people regarding my "tan." Of course, when people asked if I was at the beach over the weekend I didn't pop up with a lie about being in Jamaica or something. Instead I told them it was a fake spray on tan. Which always led into a discussion about tanning products in general. What is my problem? When am I going to learn to just lie effortlessly?

Mike, great joke on Hillary.

Oh, and Hill and Chase, you should know Priya talks about you all the time. Your picture you sent at Christmas is in her play room. She wanted to draw a picture of each of you and wanted to know exactly how many freckles each of you have on your face. I couldn't answer. She drew you a picture of a turtle instead. You should get it in the mail soon.

It takes a lot of work to be this beautiful

-Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias.

I feel this way many times and not because I'm beautiful. Today I got a Mystic Tan. I had to. I put some shorts on and it scared me. No one should be allowed out the door with legs that white.

It was my first time at that tanning salon and the 16 year old extremely tanned and uber thin employee decided to give me a tour. Even though I told her I wasn't interested in tanning, just the Mystic Tan. The spray on. Like what Ross went through in Friends. So I reminded her of this when she showed me the Super 980,000 watt tanning bed that they only allowed you to use a maximum of 8 minutes every three months.

Hello.

Why would I want to get into that?

She was mystified that I didn't want to get a "real" tan. No pun intended.

Anyway, it was a scary experience. Three spouts blasting this cloud of brown stuff five times over each side of my body. I couldn't breathe. But I guess I got an even tan. I'm not orange.

But now that my face is tan my blonde moustache really shows. So I need to wax that and have the red blotchy goatee for 36 hours. Then I need to color my roots because they're pure white. I just colored three weeks ago. Three weeks.

I need acrylic nails because mine won't grow. I got Lasic surgery to get rid of my glasses and vaneers on my teeth because I thought I looked like a rabbit with my super wide front teeth. Nothing on me is real. My hair, nails, eyes, teeth and skin are all colored.

I don't know what the point of this post was, but at least I posted. Right, Mike?

But I have a great personality!

If someone says "I don't photograph well" aren't they just saying they're ugly? And if you say you don't "test" well in school, are you simply stupid?

Why do we say "heavy" instead of fat? And "older" instead of just old?

I've found myself talking to 89 year old patients at work and saying things like "Most older patients have such and such problems. . . " Usually the patient looks at me real patiently until I finally break down and say, "Okay. You're old. I won't beat around the bush." I'm glad they paid good money to hear that professional opinion.

Speaking of opinions. . .

A patient called me for my opinion because her radiologist said she should not have a biopsy of her thyroid nodule and her endocrinologist said she should. When she told the endocrinologist's nurse what the radiologist said the nurse told her she just needed to decide who she trusted most; her endocrinologist (who does this every day) or her radiologist. She was a little miffed at the nurse's attitude and asked for my opinion. After dispensing with my wise advice I told her to call the nurse back and tell her she wasn't going to trust either specialist's advice and was only going to trust her Internist! Har! Har! We're the bottom of the Ego Totem Pole in the medical world, so I enjoyed that brief power trip. She didn't make the call, by the way.

Are they twins?

I get that question a lot when I have the girls with me. I always explain, that "no, they're not twins, they're just close in age." The other day we were in line at Sam's and after hearing this bit of news the man in line behind me asked me if I was going to have a third child. Now, isn't that a bit personal? Did I ask him when his next bowel movement was going to be? But I patiently explained that "No, I think we're done with these two."

"Oh," he said "you can't afford it?"

What kind of question is that? How is any of this his business?

Happy Birthday Hillary! Sweet 17!

A New Post, Mike!

Mike says I don't ever update my blog. C'mon, I wrote an entry in May of 2006. How often does he want to read something about my life?

Here's a fill in. Priya turned four years old a couple of weeks ago. She is four going on 14. We'e aleady fighting and I'm usually the one stomping off to sulk because she won't do what I want her to. She is going to a private school next year and she is going to wear a uniform every day. Yes, Mike, it's true. She actually had to apply to this school and go through two evaluations to get in. How do they evaluate a three year old? Who knows, but she passed. I hope they didn't see her pick her nose. She does that a lot.

Anjali is two years old and always wanting to one-up Priya. She is almost as tall as Priya and they really almost look like twins. She is almost potty trained and now grabs herself when she needs to go to the bathroom. I'm actually glad because I get a 30 second warning before I rush her into the bathroom. She also has curious habit of "riding" her blankee. I will include a picture when I can, but she looks like a dog dry humping a stuffed animal. My brother-in-law insists she gets some sort of pleasure from it. I told him that was gross, but did notice she likes to go t a quiet corner and do it about five times a day. If she likes it, good for her.

I'm working part time and I'm I just started with a new nannie for the girls. She is 67 years old and has LOADS of experience. The girls love her already and she seems very enthusiastic. It's very hard for me to even trust another person with the girls. They've had the same two nannies for three years and no other babysitters except for other family members.

Kat lives about 20 minutes away and comes over about 1-2 times a week. She babysits every other Saturday for us so we can have a "date." Last Saturday we went to PF Changs. It was wonderful. Poor Kat. My friend's daughter is 12 years old and several inches taller than her. She ribs Kat about it every time she comes over. Kat can't even reach her height with her 8 inch wedges on.

That's it.

Pam and the boys are coming over in two weeks and I absolutely can't wait. I'm thinking about all the fun things we can do but not planning anything. We have the Acquarium, the Carousel, the fountains, Discovery Museum, Tow Truck Museum, Train Museum, and Chattanooga Duck amphibious touring vehicle (it drives down the street and floats on the river). Only in Chattanooga.

I'll make every effort to post more interesting things when they happen. The girls are watching American Idol right now. Priya is sitting next to Sumeet asking him every thirty seconds if "that guy can sing." Sumeet said "no" since it was Sanjaya. Priya doesn't understand why. So she asks that about every singer. Every thirty seconds. Meanwhile, Anjali has put on her toy drum and is serenading us with her rendation of "We can go on Parade." That's her own song. The same five words over and over and over.

See why I don't post more often?