Sam's New Love

So I bought reusuable grocery bags. They're wonderful in that they are sturdy and hold lots of groceries. Plus, they fold up into a little pouch that I can throw in my purse. My problem is that I never remember to throw them in my purse. I'm constantly standing in the check out line thinking "Darn! I forgot my bags!" I just don't think Al Gore would be proud of me right now.

I've also discovered silk nails. What a wonder. I've had acrylics in the past and hated how thick they were. I haven't had anything on my nails for close to four years but finally decided my own nails were never ever going to grow. So I went in to the Nail Salon and the lady recommended silks. They're thinner and look like my own nails. They're pretty strong too. Plus, they last longer. I win all around! Except for the clickity clack sound they make when I type. I hate it. We have electronic medical records at work so I'm typing all day and clacking along quite loudly. It always reminds me of those obnoxious ladies that check you bags at the airport. There they are with your life in their manicured hands staring at the screen and clickity clacking along for ten solid minutes. Then they turn to you and say, "Now what was your name again?"

Sometimes I'll be typing along and tell my patients to just hold on one minute while I Google their problem. Tee Hee. If they look uneasy I reassure them that I got my medical degree online so I know what I'm doing. . .

Sam came to town with a "friend" this past weekend. She is awesome! I really like her. She is a deaf graphics designer who is Asian! And she is very very nice. She lives in Atlanta, and since I visit there often I may ask her to give me a few lessons in ASL. Maybe then I could understand half the stuff Sam says to me. . .

Medical Humor

Here are some funny stories from the work place:

1. The other day a drug rep came in to give us some samples of a sleep aid. I told her the only complaint my patients had about the drug was that it had a horrible aftertaste. She said she had a great solution for that.

"Just take it with something acidic like orange juice. . . or coffee."

Hmmmmmm. I don't think I've ever thought of taking my sleeping pills with coffee.

2. Another time I had a patient whose wife was worried about getting a biopsy of a tumor that was found in her breast. She asked her husband if he was going to the hospital with her and he reached over and patted her shoulder lovingly and said,

"Don't worry, honey. I would never miss your autopsy. . . "

True story.

3. Our lab tech was delivering some lab results to me when she said she couldn't believe this lady had genital herpes. I explained that she got it from her husband.

"But she has been married to him for like 25 years! They didn't have herpes back then, did they?"

4. During my first visit with a patient I was going through her medical history and found out she had had a double mastectomy due to cancer. That small fact must have slipped my mind a few minutes later when I asked her when her last mammogram was. She quickly began patting her chest and said

"I can't get those anymore, can I?"

5. Another time I was doing a pap smear and could not locate a women's cervix.

"Have you ever had a hysterectomy, ma'am?" I asked her.

"No."

Hmm. So I tried to locate it again and again, to no avail.

"Do you still have your uterus?" I asked.

"Oh, yes!" She replied, quite cheerily.

Finally, I asked, "Did you get your womb taken out?"

"Yes, several years back." Good thing, because I certainly can't find your cervix!