Insufficient Funds

Yesterday I tried to withdrawal funds from my checking account to pay the nanny. I was told I had insufficient funds. WHAT??? I don't have any money? That's right, the ATM replied. You're flat broke and no money in this machine has your name on it. Don't ask again.

So I walked back to Special K's car (since mine is getting the dent knocked out and repainted) and called to see how many checks had bounced. Four, the man told me. Hmmmm. What's the damage? $224, he replied. Okay. I'll go right home and tell Husband. He'll be SOOOOO excited to hear the news.

Special K is a pro at bouncing checks and told me all about when I should deposit a check to cover my @#* for the next few days. I don't think I've bounced a check for over 15 years. Maybe I've never done it. Luckily the Pro was with me.

Meanwhile, the Scary Storm came last night and dropped a bit of rain and a few gusts of wind on us. In West Texas winds of 50 mph were common. Here a wind gust like that causes absolute panic. But that's because it knocks down every tree within three feet of a power line. So I've had sporadic power at the house today. Where is FEMA when you need them? Do I qualify for disaster relief? I need to pay a few bills and have INSUFFICIENT FUNDS. . .

Gee Your Hair Looks Terrific

I have a great haircut. I think.

Yesterday I went to a new person for my haircut since mine wasn't working. This was stressful since it is really hard for me to find a hairstylist willing to work with my mop. Most stylists tentatively approach my head with a look of trepidation mixed with genuine fear while they reach out to touch the wiry stuff with words like "Gee, your hair sure is thick/coarse/grey/wiry/unruly, isn't it?" Hmmmm, you don't say? I've never noticed. . .

Anyway, Special K and I drove thirty minutes to go to a stylist a patient of mine highly recommended. It took forever to color and cut and I was running so late I had to ask my nanny to let my fav neighb watch the girls for thirty minutes since she needed to leave. And of course on the way out of the parking lot I hit another car. Yes, I have already put two obvious dents in my brand new minivan.

Husband was incredibly nice about it. He has learned that getting mad at me does NOT help. I feel bad enough about it without his comments. So he quietly inspected the damage and suggested I just get it fixed. Easy. I sure like him. . .

He never did comment on my hair.

Which Knees?

I was on call this past weekend when the pager went off late Friday night. The text message said the patient's knee was swollen. When I called her back she told me both her knees were swollen. I wasn't really awake when I asked,

"Wait. Which knees are swollen?"

She hesitated for a second and said "Um. . . the right AND the left?"

Oh, to have an idiot like me as your doctor.

Later Sunday evening Special K (little sis) came home from work and filled Husband and I in on her love life. There she was in her size 2 jeans (which were too big, by the way) and her top which showed off her collar bones, since that's one of her better features. Husband and I were both exhausted and sprawled out on the couch while the girls crawled all over us like ants at a picnic. Anyway, it seems a young man at work has a crush on Special K, but he won't do anything about it except follow her around and tease her. Meanwhile the gang from work went out to a gay bar and the ONE single guy there (who happens to be quite cute) hit on Special K. He then came into her place of work yesterday, which infuriated the Boy With Crush. AAAhhhh, the Drama. As Special K told us this story and expounded on the difficulties of balancing said Love Interests I reflected on what different lives we have. My joy of the day was crawling around after Little Bit playing chase. She loves that game. I hadn't had a shower and my weekend outfit wasn't really flattering. I couldn't remember when I contemplated the Delimnas of my Love Life, or if I ever had any to begin with.

I'm not complaining, though. I prefer chasing Little Bit any day.

Gymbaby

Today I took Toddler to gymnastics. Ooohh what fun we had. When she walked across a balance beam and then slid down a mat into the foam pit I almost wet myself with pride. I have visions of her competing at the elite level and working for the olympic trials in 12 short years. All because she can hang on a bar like a monkey.

I need a life.

I Don't Like Blogs

So Little Sis was sitting on my floor last night while I read our sister's blog. "Have you read E.McPan's blog lately?" I asked.

"I don't read her blog." she replied with a resolute look on her face.

"But it's so funny! She is a riot!"

"Don't you KNOW? I don't like blogs." she huffily replied. "They're just an excuse for people not to have conversations with each other and instead talk into a computer without forming relationships. . . blah blah blah"

I find this comment very interesting coming from a young woman who spends 86% of her time in her room grooming herself or reading a novel or something or other. When she does venture out it's to answer my questions with one word sentences or "I don't know." Sigh. Huff. Eye rolling. The relationships aren't forming too rapidly somedays. Maybe if I email her we'll get somewhere. . .

At least I know I can talk about her all I want on this very public forum. She'll never stoop so low as to read it.

Summer of Slovenly Appearance

Hello Internet World. I am alive and kicking. I've just been busy/lazy/distracted and haven't blogged in a while. Here's the scoop. My very little sister is visiting this summer and it has been a real eye opening experience. She is five feet tall and weighs somewhere between 97 and 99 pounds. The last time I weighed that was in fifth grade. True story.

Anyway, she is very fashion/makeup/beauty conscious and I am not. You would think I would have a thing or two to teach her since she is thirteen years younger than me. Not Happening.

I've discovered I should tweeze my eyebrows, get pedicures for my feet, wax my upper lip and hairy chin, and consider a tan. I cannot for the love of mankind wear horizontal stripes (or wide vertical ones) nor should I wear any heavy fabrics. I've learned to avoid busy material (especially if the background is dark or the print is large) because it just makes me look larger. I need to stop wearing clunky boring shoes and try for a little bit more heel and pointier toe (but not too pointy!). Pants must be low on the hip and dark. No stripes. Not high waisted.

While learning all of these things in the middle of a rather hectic shopping binge last week she finally turned to me and asked "Don't you ever groom yourself?"

I just grunted in my big hairy apelike way and went back to picking ticks out of my hair.

But I am getting better. The other day I picked out a shirt and asked her if it would be okay. "NO!" she shrieked with a big heavy sigh. I slowly went to put it back when she grabbed it and asked "And WHY isn't this one good for you?" in her best most patronizing tone.

"Because the neck line is too high? It's too busy? The grade of fabric is too heavy????" I answered quite desparately.

"Right" she said. Then she waltzed off to another rack of clothes. I was left there sweating. Which one was it? What's the answer? What do I do???


Med school was easier than this.

TiVolution

I frequently become upset with Husband because he watches so much TV. It has taken several months, but we have succeeded in keeping the TV off until the girls go to bed. So when he finally gets to watch, the pickins are somewhat slim. I therefore decided to buy him the TiVo system so his TV watching would be more efficient. I mean, come on, how many episodes of CSI and American Chopper can one man watch?

I put the entire system together yesterday and it only took eight hours. I now understand video/audio cables, IR cables, and cable boxes in general. After hooking everything up (no small feat with our entertainment system arranged the way it is) I dutifully answered every little question it asked about our cable program, zip code, area code, cable box, etc. I thought it might ask me my favorite color. I was ready. But it worked at the end of the day. Awesome. I rock.

Last night he set the programs he wanted to record in case he misses them. Guess what he put in?

CSI and American Chopper.

Lovely.

Potty Talk

Toddler is almost ready to potty train. As such, we have many discussions about poo poo and pee pee. Here are a few examples of these actual conversations.

"Mommy change diaper! Mommy change poo poo diaper!"

"Okay, come over here so I can change it and put a fresh one on. Oh my, this is a poo poo diaper!"

"I wanna see it! I wanna see it! I wanna see poo poo diaper!"

"Okay, I heard you. But be still so I can clean you up. There, now see it? It's a big poo poo."

"Yay poo poo diaper! I wanna flush it! I wanna flush it!"

"Okay, calm down. Let's go in the bathroom. There it goes, now you can flush it."

"Bye bye Peeya's poo poo! That was a BIG poo poo! Bye bye poo poo!"

This happens every single day. I must always show her what her body eliminated, rather it is urine or stool. She just wants to see (but then, don't we all take a little peek?). What gets bad is when she discusses my body habits in a public bathroom. We were in Target the other day when this very thing happenned.

"Mommy needs to go to the bathroom. Mommy's going POO POO!!!!"

"No, Priya, I'm not. Now please don't talk so loud. . . "

"OOOhhh, Mommie's going poo poo! Flush Mommie! Bye-bye Mommie's poo poo!!!"

I just cringe as we walk out.

When Little Bit gets a diaper change she has to see that too. And she likes to help clean her up. I don't think I'll let Little Bit know that little detail when they're older.

Toddler is also in a "everything must be clean" phase. If her bib gets dirty when she eats she insists I change it.

"BIIIIB! Mommy change Peeya's bib! It's durrrty! Hurry Mommy! Hurry!"

We may go through three bibs during one meal. She won't listen when I try to explain the purpose of the bib. It simply MUST be changed NOW.

It was a bit of a trying weekend. Her ears are both infected, again, and she was wheezing so bad we had to start steroids and breathing treatments. I'm really praying I don't get the "We need to think about tubes" talk from her pediatrician when we go in tomorrow. Ugghhh.

What I learned today

Today I learned how to fix my printer. All by myself.
I learned how to apply for a new medicare provider number, how to apply for malpractice insurance, how to hire a nurse, and how to arrange for a date with my husband. We're going to see Star Wars.

I still need to learn how to obtain private insurance credentials, how to work with electronic medical records, and how to get Little Bit to eat more solid food without throwing up all the time.

I've mastered how to choose the wrong paint for my wall (should have gone with eggshell finish), how to kill a plant, and how to nurture a sick Beta fish back to health. Okay, no nursing involved. I just fed it and it survived. But I did learn how to transfer it to another bowl without causing major stress to the poor thing.

I've learned how to hold an impromptu pool party involving three different pools and seven children without anyone drowning. Steep learning curve there.

I want to learn how to grow pretty fingernails and lose 15 pounds.

I'll soon learn what it's like to take Toddler to "Mommy and Me" gymnastics class. Wish me luck.

That's it. I start my new job on June 20th, officially. Private practice here I come!

Toddler in the garden. She loves her new garden gloves. Everything in pink. 

Little Bit really does smile. Just not for pictures. . . 

Toddler giving kisses. I don 

Toddler in her favorite chair.  

This is how Little Bit likes to eat. Hands waving in the air like mad. . .  

All is Not Lost. . .

Update. I may have found a new practice to join. I met a wonderful Nurse Practitioner today who owns her own practice and is looking to have a doc join on. She isn't asking me to buy in, just share overhead. I really like her because she strikes me as fair, honest and hardworking. She also isn't out to make a million dollars, but wants the business to work. My gut says this is a great opportunity and I wouldn't have to work for "Big Brother" anymore. I love the idea of having control. Less pay, certainly, but control. It's worth it.

Stay tuned.

The Terminator

So, as many of you in the family know, I was "terminated without cause" last week. It was all very sudden and a very hard pill to swallow. I have no idea why they decided to terminate my contract, but I guess this is what the corporate world is like. Mental note: doctors don't belong in the corporate world.
My patients are being told I have left the practice and will not be back. I feel like I've just abandoned them (which I have). I spent more than a year developing solid relationships with them and now it's over. No warning to either party. What they don't know is that this was not my choice. They probably think I was fired or just lost my mind and quit.
All of this leaves me with the question of what to do with my life now. Do I work? Do I stay home and be a full time Mom? Can I find a job which allows me to do both without losing my mind?

If anyone out there has the answer please let me know. I'll be here.

After a long weekend playing in the park and drinking warm formula (or cold beer), these guys are wiped out. You decide who had the formula. 

Happy Mother's Day!

You never realize how wonderful your mother is until you become a parent yourself. All those so called "grievences" you carried in your twenties disappear when you make your first seventeen mistakes raising your own daughter. You swear you're going to do "everything absolutely right" and have the happiest baby/toddler on the block. You buy age appropriate toys and make difficult decisions regarding solid food and potty training.

And then one Mother's Day you call your own mom and wish her a Happy Mother's Day and, although the conversation is a pleasant one, you realize she really doesn't have any idea how much she means to you. How do you put those feelings into words?

It finally hit me when I said to a friend the other day "I'm just like my Mom!"

Of course, I'm like her in tangible ways in that I have her smile and dark hair. I'm learning to sew (which she does quite well), would like to learn to quilt (another talent of hers), and wish my garden was half as pretty as hers. I drive a minivan (she spent years driving a real van), and I could spend an entire weekend reading a good novel. But when I made that statement I meant that I'm like her because I love my children more than anything in the world. Just as she loves hers.

I'm so blessed to have been raised by her. She was a thoughtful, kind, and imperfect Mom. I'm hoping I can do half as well raising my own children.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you more than you know.

Wild Kingdom

We had a great vacation. The weather was perfect, the rental house was wonderful and the girls really enjoyed themselves. We went to Sea World and Animal Kingdom. Husband's parents and brother came too and his mom cooked three meals for us. First, everyone gave her a hard time for bringing TONS of food along, but they sure shut up when they realized she had made yet another great meal. I wish I could cook like that.








Toddler loved swimming. That was the bomb in her mind. She doesn't understand that humans don't float. I will try to attach a picture if I get a chance. Little Bit relaxed in the baby floatie and took in some rays.





Later, Toddler made up a song about "Little Mommie." She sung this song to the tune of "Oh I Wish I was a Little Bar of Soap." It went something like this:

Oh Little Little Mommie!
Oh Little Little Mommie!
Oh Little Little Mommie!

over and over and over again. Clever, huh?

The only hard part of the trip occurred on the first day. I took the girls in for a quick well child visit to the pediatrician before we left and he announced that they both had ear infections. So before we got on the plane I doped them up with Motrin, Benadryl and an antiobiotic. Big mistake. Toddler almost crawled out of her skin she was so irritable. Benadryl does NOT work with her. And I should win some award for changing a dirty diaper in the airplane's lavoratory during turbulance. Man, I'm good. So there we were with fussy Toddler and sleeping Little Bit, a DVD player going and Teddy Grahams all over the floor on the airplane. Husband looked at me and said "We must be CRAZY!!!." At that point we didn't have much choice but to suck it up (seeing as how we were 30,000 feet up and hovering somewhere over southern Georgia). I could have used a one way bus ticket to Las Vegas at that point.

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Both girls are still having some fevers and a dry cough. Last night Little Bit threw up three times before going to bed. Thank you, child. I love the smell of vomit all over my shirt and your third pair of clean pajamas.

You Don't Own Me

Apparantly Big Brother thinks he owns me. He bought shares of my blog and has ordered me to post more often. So here it is on a Friday night and the girls are asleep and my hair is wet (first shower this week!) and I stink from my sunless tanner. But I have a beautiful bronze glow to hide my cellulite on my massive thighs. And with that lovely image. . .

Husband is asleep on the floor. He has been working his ass off all week and we were talking about the girls, work, etc, and he fell asleep. Poor thing. He just woke up and rolled over. He is in the fetal position. Somebody do something!

I've put both girls in the same room! Oh, what a big step! Last night was the first night and Toddler woke up Little Bit at 2:00 am. Tonight they both went to sleep at 9:08!!! Heaven!!! I really think they'll enjoy being in the same room. I know I enjoyed sharing a room with my lovely sisters for years on end. My younger sister is a saint. She had to put up with a lot of neurotic behavior on my part. And it only got worse as I hit junior high. Luckily, I got my own room by then. I plan on splitting Toddler and Little Bit up when they hit 12 or 13. Unless they just want to stay roomies. . .

Both girls are sick with colds. Lots of green crud bubbling out of their noses all week long. Husband has hardly been around to see it, but did manage to catch the cold two days ago.

Toddler learned how to blow bubbles in the bathtub tonight. And I don't mean from her bottom! She was pretty pleased with herself. I think I'll start teaching her to swim this summer.

And Little Bit learned to vomit behind my back. Two nights ago I spent an hour getting Toddler to sleep (ears infected AGAIN) and finally checked on Little Bit at around midnight. She was sound asleep and covered in vomit. Her hair was matted with it and the bed was soaked. Gross. So she had a bath at midnight. Didn't even cry. I love that kid!

We're going to Orlando to Sea World in three days. I've rented all the equipment and have the ticket confimation numbers set. I'm ready. This WILL be a seamless, fun, relaxing vacation. And if the girls are not enjoying themselves I will give them some sage advice handed down to me by my dear father. "Smile, damnit!"