Identity Crises

I talked to one of my sisters today and she told me that someone stole her identity. Somehow they got her name and social security number (probably wasn't too hard, come to think of it) and opened a credit card account, racked up some bills on a wireless phone and even opened an account with the local phone company for a land line phone! Which they promptly traced to an apartment! But are the police knocking on that apartment door asking questions? Certainly not. They probably don't care. Which means my sister is leaving the country for over 3 weeks and will be bringing two adorable Russian toddlers home and there's no telling what these bottom-dwellers will do to her account in the meantime. Maybe she'll get to make a commercial with a voiceover talking about all the "phone conversations with my boyfriend-in-France-on-my-Cingular-account-that-I-don't-have-to-pay-for." At least she could make some money for herself in this whole process.
And the kicker of it is she is trying to get all her paperwork done to go to Russia and pick up her boys. Do you have any idea what it takes to adopt a child from Russia? First, you must fill out about one thousand fourteen forms asking such questions as "have you had now, or ever had in the past, a condition categorized as a communicable disease?" and "In the past 55 years have you or anyone remotely related to you ever had what may be construed as a drinking problem at any time during his or her life? Have you ever been around alcohol? Do you know what marijuana is? Do you watch violent movies? Do you like them? Do you believe a low carb diet is healthy? Have you ever gained weight? Would you be willing to donate your left kidney to one of your family should the need arise? What about your right one?" Etc. etc.

Once you fill out the forms you fight with about 48 different people on the phone over issues such as whether your fingerprints can be obtained at THIS office, or if you must drive 45 minutes across town to obtain the form which allows you to obtain you fingerprints in a town three hours away. Between the hours of 3:15 and 4:30 pm central standard time. On the third Tuesday of the month. Which was yesterday. And you need this done by next Monday or you can't send in the form to verify your Visa status which has to come in by the fourth Thursday of the month. If and ONLY if you get the Visa straightened out can you book your plane tickets. For your SECOND trip to Russia. And if you don't book those tickets by the fourth FRIDAY of the month the price will mysteriously skyrocket to $8,425. Of course, they may have already skyrocketed while you were on the phone with the doctor's office trying to convince them you really do NOT have a communicable disease. And you've never smoked marijuana. And all that porn material on your credit card was NOT purchased by you. That was bought by a 17 year old geek in a spider man outfit hiding out in his apartment waiting for the next Spiderman 2 showing.

I think it's MUCH easier to be pregnant. I will never complain about feeling fat, bloated, ugly, tired, or moody again.