So I was watching "Airline" on A&E last night and the theme for the show was "Let's get drunk, miss our flight, and blame the airlines." Every fool who did this not only got some air time on national telivision, but they got a full refund of their flight! Since when did this start? If I were to buy my tickets in advance and need to cancel due to my head falling off I wouldn't get a refund!
"Well, Ms B, that's because you bought those tickets in advance and they're nonrefundable, nontransferable, and subject to a $100 fee for changing them."
"But my head just fell off! I really don't think I can fly if my head is not attached. And I'm bleeding everywhere. Aren't you worried about getting your airplane soiled?"
"No, we're not worried. We now have fancy vinyl seats on all our flights. And if you read the fine print of your contract you will see that having your head fall off does not constitute a valid reason to refund or change your ticket."
"Okay, but I could be a security risk. See, I can't really see to get to my seat without my head, and I might bump into other passengers. Worse yet, I might even inadvertently fall into the cockpit trying to go to the bathroom. The pilot may panic and crash the plane. See?"
"No, I don't see, and obviously you don't either. And that's because your head is sitting on the floor. Now, would you like to pay the $100 change fee and catch the next flight tomorrow morning?"
"Ummm, let's see. . . how about NOOOO. I really think I'll bleed to death by then. And what contract are you talking about? I didn't sign a contract. I just bought some tickets."
"The tickets ARE your contract. WHY do people come to the airport without reading their tickets? This really makes my job difficult. Now, let me ask again. Do you want to sign over your first born child and take the next flight or stand here and bleed on my carpet?"
"My first born child? I thought you wanted $100!"
"$100, first born child, it's all the same. . . "
"Are you crazy?!? Do you think my beautiful incredible intelligent child is only worth $100? Seriously? NOW you've crossed the line. NOW I'm pissed off. NOW I want to talk to your supervisor."
"Please calm down Ms. B. And watch your language. Do you kiss your children with that mouth? I'm just trying to do my job."
"I will NOT calm down. You're about to see what ANGRY is all about. Just get me your supervisor and find the cameramen and tell them to focus that lens onME, because I'm about to cause a SCENE!"
"Ms. B, you are acting a bit erracitcally. Have you had anything to drink today?"
"DRINK? Yes, I've had something to drink! Wouldn't you if you had my stressful crazy life? My head just fell off! Of course I've had something to drink! I'm drunk off my gourd! I'm high as a kite! Do you want a sobriety test? I'll fail it for you!"
"Well, you should have said so ma'am. You are now a security risk and therefore cannot board our aircraft. I'm terribly sorry but we'll have to refund your ticket, put you up in the nearest hotel until you sober up. You can then catch the next flight out tomorrow. First class. Because we treat our drunk customers with respect. Now our headless customers have no rights. But I don't make the rules. I just enforce them. Here's your ticket, your hotel information, and a nice bag in which to place you head. Thank you for flying with Southwest Airlines."
3 comments:
This one was so funny, I printed it! You should write a book!
They are similarly gracious with people who smell bad or lack proper underwear. Just take your panties off and they'll work with you. e-
uhhh e
what if one does not wear panties?
guess in my case it does not matter, I have a rule about flying.
Its the 6 drinks before flying rule, so I always get on, have never had a problem!
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