Jack Handy

I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to write a thing. So I'll just put down some thoughts that have occurred to me in the last few days.

My parents are occasionally TOO cheerful. They know what I'm talking about.

Really strange shows come on TV in the middle of the night. HBO had "Miss Black Nude America" on last night. Or something like that. I only know this because I watch TV while I feed the baby. . .

Ellen DeGeneres is a great comedian.

My garage door is too small for my SUV. That is why I've banged it up twice in the last week trying to get it in the garage. It couldn't be because I'm a bad driver.

My sister E. McPan is way too intelligent. I just don't understand some of her blog posts. . .

Why do people call Garage Sales "Yard Sales" in the South?

My brother "hearsedrv" is smarter than he sounds. I just don't understand some of his blog posts. . .

Don't feed your toddler chocolate pudding. It will make her poop really stinky.

I watch a lot of Sesame Street. Big Bird is a real whiner. "Oh no! I can't seem to find ERRRRNIE!!! He says he's hiding behind something that rhymes with kneeeee and the only thing here is this treeeee! What will I do NOW?? "

Elmo always talks in third person, which is annoying.

When people don't think your baby is cute, they resort to saying things like "What a lot of hair!!" or "She sure has long fingers! She'll be a piano player for sure!"

Why do the nurses and doctors feel compelled to remind new mothers not to have sex for six weeks after the birth of their baby? Didn't they witness what just happenned down there? Do I really need to be REMINDED? And why six weeks? Who participated in that study?

Did the "Boat Men of Vietnam Who Kind of Knew John Kerry for Truth" come up with their name before this election campaign? Did they just tack on the "for Truth" later? Does it ligitimize their statement? Why not form the "Black Nude Women of America for Truth?" Maybe they could give testimonials too.